Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Today's Inspiration: The Power of Disengagement


I had a situation last night which reminds me of this post, and I'm pleased to say that after the initial frustration/anger/disappointment I was able to step back, calm down and look at the whole thing with a fresh perspective. Though I was hurt and lashed out, it was only for a moment and I didn't allow it to escalate into something worse. You've gotta know how hard it was for me to walk away instead of pushing & probing like I normally do, but maybe I'm finally starting to learn that that pattern simply doesn't work! Instead, what might have been a nasty fight turned into a request for a hug, with me happily obliging. Feathers were smoothed, emotions were quelled and the evening took a positive turn. Good Stuff.

Daily Om November 13, 2007
The Power Of Disengagement
Playing Mind Games


For better or worse, many people have been raised to believe that communicating in an honest and open way will not get them what they want. They have learned, instead, to play mind games or go on power trips in the service of their ego’s agenda. People stuck in this outmoded and inefficient style of communication can be trying at best and downright destructive at worst. We may get caught up in thinking we have to play the same games in order to defend ourselves, but that will only lead us deeper into confusion and conflict. The best way to handle people like this is to be clear and honest with them

As with all relationships and situations in our lives, we must look within for both the source of our difficulties and the solution. Reacting to the situation by getting upset will only entrench us more deeply in the undesirable relationship. Only by disengaging, becoming still, and going within can we begin to see what has hooked us into the mess in the first place. We will most likely find unprocessed emotions that we can finally fully feel and release into the stillness we find in meditation. The more we are able to do this, the less we will be bothered by the other person’s dramas and the more we will be free to respond in a new way. In the light of our new awareness, the situation will untangle itself and we will slowly break free.

Whenever people come into our lives, they have come for a reason, to show us something about ourselves that we have not been able to see. When unhealthy people try to hook us into their patterns with mind games and power trips, we can remind ourselves that we have something to learn here and that a part of us is calling out for healing. This takes the focus off the troubling individual and puts it back on us, giving us the opportunity to change the situation from the inside out.

4 comments:

Jen said...

It's sad that high school games are actually good preparation for "real life." Great post!

Anonymous said...

An excellent post -- as always! Yes -- this is one of my "in-the-works" ambitions -- to be able to deal with a difficult situation in a new fresh way -- and come out of it and step back into the light. It is so hard not to switch into an "automatic" response -- to stop and re-think the "drama" and keep my mouth tightly shut and breathe, breathe, breathe. Always a tough lesson for me!

Jan at Rosemary Cottage

Rapunzel said...

Jen, I agree! Living with teenagers and witnessing their daily dramas, I realize that it never really ends - the issues just get bigger and more complicated. A sobering thought.

Jan, can you teach me to keep my mouth shut? LOL I have such a hard time w/that! I think I'm doing well until a few hours or days later when it explodes. sigh. This is why things must be dealt with in the moment - either discuss calmly or truly let it go. A hard one for me.

Anonymous said...

Dearest: So hard for me too! LOL! BUT I have learnt that a situation can change completely after taking some time to eat, sleep or have a cup of tea. For me -- my reaction can be simply "low blood sugar" or "sheer tired-out" I have found one secret -- vitamin B6 -- really helps with my mood swings! Also I simply do NOT think well in the evening (I'm more of a morning person) -- so Timing is also an issue ..... Remember to use our true Senses:

A Sense of Timing
Our Basic Common Sense
A Sense of Porportion or Perspective

Jan at Rosemary Cottage -- just watch the movie Must Love Dogs and see how a cup of tea might solve the whole issue ..... LOL!