Monday, February 4, 2008

Today's Inspiration: Stepping Back From Anger

February 4, 2008
Stepping Back From Anger

When we find ourselves in an argument, we may feel like we are losing control of emotions that have taken on lives of their own. When we can become aware that this is happening, taking a deep breath can help us step back from the situation. Once we can separate ourselves from the heat of the moment, we may find that the emotional trigger that began the argument has little to do with the present situation, but may have brought up feelings related to something else entirely. Looking honestly at what caused our reaction allows us to consciously respond more appropriately to the situation and make the best choices.

We can make an agreement with our partners and those closest to us that asking questions can help all of us discover the source of the argument. The shared awareness can result in finding simple solutions to something physical, like low blood sugar or even a hormonal surge. Maybe we are taking ourselves too seriously, and we can just laugh and watch the tension dissolve. We could also discover that perhaps we are addicted to the excitement that drama brings and the chemicals that our body creates when we are angry. But there may be a deeper issue that requires discussion, understanding, and patience. The more we allow ourselves to step back and examine our reasons for arguing, the easier it becomes to allow real feelings to surface and guide us toward solutions that improve our lives.

When we can be clear about our feelings and intentions and communicate them clearly, we have a far better chance of getting what we want than if we lose control or allow our subconscious minds to manipulate the situation. We might take our frustrations out on the people closest to us because we feel safe and comfortable with them, but misplaced anger can cause more harm than good. Arguing for what we truly believe can empower us and help us to direct our passions toward greater life experiences. Truly knowing our reasons for arguing enables us to grow emotionally in ways that will affect our whole being.

Today's Daily Om hits home on a couple of levels...last Monday I had an argument of sorts via e-mail, went on throughout the day with no resolution and not only ruined the day but perhaps ended a friendship as well. If nothing else, we are taking a much-needed time out. She and I have done this several times in the past few years, and each time I think it's over, the relationship is irreparable, but time heals and history is strong..we've been friends for 25 years, not easy to just walk away. I hated how angry I was, hated the whole situation, but I truly don't think there was another way to handle it. No amount of talking or discussion can cure the reason for our disagreement, I think that perhaps we have grown differently and no longer fit into each others lives or belief systems. Very sad, but I need to accept it and move on.

Secondly, my two youngest daughters had a nasty fight on Friday night which stretched throughout the weekend. It broke my heart to see them at odds and I truly didn't understand it. It is so hard for an only child such as myself to understand sibling dynamics, I just want to beg and plead and remind them of how lucky they are to have each other. There is nothing like a sister, no replacement for her. Anyway, I stayed out of it as best I could and they worked it out..I think. Like me, they communicate best through writing and I know that there were emails and live journal entries exchanged back & forth throughout the day but I am not privy to that information. All I know is that there is at least discussion happening, and a bit less tension coming from their end of the house. We are family, and no matter how much we may fight that doesn't change. We are forever connected, we don't let go, we don't give up on each other. Not ever.

I hope this week will be less dramatic, less anger-filled, more peaceful. Conflict is inevitable, of course, but I'm going to ask the Universe for a bit less of it in the coming days...thank you..


Patty said...

great post, a work of my life, to just let go of anger, I have the brewing simmering kind, the kind that steals peace of mind. There is progress, but I am impatient.

Aisling said...

Rapunzel, I hope that things are on more of an even keel this week. You know I'm here if you need to talk.


Teacats said...

an excellent post -- and one that I used in my dealings with family issues in the past week. So I really need to thank you -- as I was truly able for the very first time to step back and speak in a more considered way!

Jan at Rosemary Cottage