Tuesday, July 22, 2008

La Loba at Peace

Though I can still hear the faint scratching and distant howls, I believe I've managed to escape the worst for now.

Combining advice from all of you along with my own instincts, I didn't completely succumb to the darkness; instead I spent the afternoon and evening with intentional self-nurturing. First, an afternoon float in the pool, allowed the hot sun and fresh air to work it's magic. Then, a nap with a sweet purring kitten. Got up and tidied my house while chatting with a good friend. Cleared the dining room table and set it. Lit fresh candles and turned on Andrea Bocelli. Loudly. Poured a glass of wine and prepared dinner. When Beren called to say he was on the way home, I popped dinner in the oven and took my wine outside to enjoy while waiting for him. We had dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, and then when he sat down to watch tv I unearthed my long-lost yarn basket and started crocheting an afghan. Beren was shocked, had never seen me crochet, LOL, but I realized that I can't simply sit and watch inane tv with him night after night, yet I don't want to leave him there alone either. Needlework is the perfect solution. I can do my thing while still being with him, and now & then I enjoy a minute or two of whatever he's watching. At 10 pm we turned off the tv and read for a while, then off to bed. Perfect. I went to sleep feeling relaxed and fulfilled having done the things that nourish me body & soul, and this morning I feel much more equipped to handle the day and whatever gets thrown at me. I'm up, bed made, curtains open, ready for work. As I type I'm listening to a stunning piece of opera recommended by a musical friend...achingly beautiful.

"Filling the well" is what several of my friends call it..you simply can't give to others if your own well is empty. I need to remember that, and take the time to care for myself so that I can continue to be there for others who need me right now.

Thank you, my friends, for being there for me, for "listening" and holding my hand as I struggle with the dark times. I am feeling quite blessed this morning, and the wolves are simply singing...


Robbin with 2 B's! said...

So good to hear that this morning. There's Something about water that is very healing and nothing better than a purring kitten. You did very well at seeking out things to bring you comfort.
Hang on girl, we'll hold hands and get through this. This old world may bring us lots of pain but it is still filled with beauty, even if you have to look hard for it at times.
Have a good day. I got to go see the Vampires today, they want my blood. And I got to get going before that blasted heat comes. Chemo and high humidity Heat does not mix, this I know for sure.

Aisling said...

I was hardly on the computer yesterday (probably will be the same again today) so I missed your post about the wolf at the door until this morning. I'm glad you kept him at bay.

I hope today is bright and beautiful, like you are.

love and hugs,

TheParisApartment said...

Good morning! I'm so happy to hear you're feeling better. Just taking a little time to relax, lifting our expectations of ourselves and enjoying the little things helps so much. I hope to be like you today, and I'll alternate working with a bit of yoga and good food.
BTW I meant to let you know, that Deco picture you admired on my site is still at the antique shop in Dania, waiting for you!

(11 N Federal Highway) Let me know if you get it!

Julie said...

One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible (although sometimes I do question it!) is that God will not give us more than we can handle. In essence - He gives us the tools (physical and mental) to handle difficult and sometimes heart breaking situations...but still each of us has a line...a limit so to speak.

I was recently stunned - as one of the most happy go lucky young men who works in my office revealed to me that he has a 14 year old son with Ceribal Palsey and his 41 year old wife has suffered 2 major strokes and is in need of constant care...and that is why he was so elated that he got his second job!!! OMG I thought... how many of us would have just dug a hole and jumped in...(yes - me! I don't know if I could handle this)...and yet he was elated...

Use the tools God gave you to restore yourself..as you obviously have done.

linda said...

So happy to hear your day turned out well and good...self nurturing seems to be key to dealing with depression and I have been "trying" to deal with it for most of my life! Surrounding myself with what I love, taking time for me and using self nurturing are all a big part of my arsenal...glad that stupid wolf turned into a puppy and ran off into the woods!

Lady Laurie said...

So glad to hear things are looking brighter this today.
It is so important to nurture your soul and take care of yourself! How can we be expected to nurture our families when we have run dry?
Hope the rest of the day is lovely for you!

Rapunzel said...

Thanks so much to all of you for the support, comfort and kind words. I feel incredibly blessed!

I had a few bad hours last night where I heard the scratching, but I just kept breathing and nurturing and it turned out ok. :-)


The Vintage Housewife... said...

oooh sweet darlin' glad the me time was sweet! many times being a mom, wife, and caregiver just gets to us vintage ladies...you know june cleaver had a maid and a laundry service...and groceries were delivered!!...hmmmmm i could be that darn wonderful with all that help too!

so i'm glad you screamed and asked for help...ooooh now doesn't that feel better...why yes with all your sassy girlfriends around...

i will still think and pray for you every day...love ya doll....cat