Friday, November 20, 2009

Stormy Seas

November 19, 2009
Benefits of Calm
Leo Daily Horoscope

You may feel stressed as you deal with a hectic schedule today. You might be hurrying to meet deadlines or laboring under a burdensome workload, which could leave you feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Since the quality of your thoughts are often more powerful in determining the type of day you have, you may want to take a few minutes to embrace a more peaceful focus. Taking time to meditate on a peaceful image or thought can give you a greater sense of inner balance, while stepping out to burn off excess energy through brisk activity can clear your mind and improve your endurance. The activities you pursue are not as important as the benefits you will enjoy by choosing to release tension and embrace a calmer focus today.

A calm mind-set improves our concentration and lightens our mood, giving us the ability to overcome distractions and accomplish our work quickly and easily. Though it can be challenging to rise above frustration and embrace a calm focus, doing so can mean the difference between feeling stressed or productive. Simply by choosing to release stressful thoughts and bring ourselves back into mental and emotional balance, we immediately feel more in control of our situation. Our focus then improves, our stress evaporates, and we are able to continue with our work feeling inspired and confident. With an intention to embrace a calm focus in all of your activities today, you will give yourself the freedom and flexibility needed to overcome distractions and complete your work with ease.

Yesterday couldn't have been farther from calm. Oh, it started out fine with a typical morning at the office followed by errands, laundry, housekeeping and packing for vacation but then things went terribly awry.

You see, Beren is still having "issues" with his ex-wife which are causing us quite a bit of stress. The details don't matter, it's about what most causes many divorces and subsequently post-divorce fracas: Money. Oh, yeah, and more importantly: Children. Though the dirty deed was finalized nearly two years ago (after a lengthy separation), they have still not found an amicable, peaceful way to communicate. Is it her fault? Yes. Is it his fault? Yes. As we divorce survivors know, there are always two sides to every story and I am close enough to the situation to see both sides, even if I don't always agree with them.

So, moving forward to yesterday, we had an appointment scheduled with his attorney for the afternoon, just before picking up his girls and heading out of town with them. Probably not the best timing but logistically there was no other way. From the way things have been playing out lately, I knew in my heart that this was not going to be a "normal" exchange of children. I anticipated drama at the least, a major upset at the most, but what I didn't expect his girls being escorted to our car by police escort. I didn't think it would get that far, couldn't imagine his ex would barricade them in the house & refuse to send them out to us, leaving him no option but to get law enforcement involved.

As you can imagine, the three-hour ride to our destination was not pleasant. The children were tense, I was upset & shaking, Beren was furious. I ask you this: what happened to doing things in the "best interest of the children?" Somehow along the way that notion was tossed out the window, wasn't it? Because surely this level of chronic stress & pressure can't be good for them, it certainly isn't for me. I've seen divorce from every aspect now and while I've made some mistakes along the way, I always tried to keep my children's interests a top priority, protecting them as best I could. I am rewarded with an amazing relationship with Strider, Husband #1, and a (mostly) amicable relationship with Husband #2. Let's face it, the aftermath of a stormy divorce isn't always smooth sailing but it doesn't have to be a constant typhoon either.

Today is a new day and I'm hoping things will settle down, that we will find some peace & harmony if only in This House, under my roof, because that's the only thing I can attempt to control. As for the rest of it, I guess at this point a court date is in our future, and all that that entails.

Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it.


Anita said...

I wish I had some advice to offer (having been through two divorces myself, both involving children), but I really don't—just the old "this, too, shall pass" even though it seems that it never will. So I'll just wish you the best of luck, because you deserve a good outcome.

Rapunzel said...

Thank you, Anita. I am sickened by the impact this situation has had had on the relationship w/Beren and his children. It has deteriorated to such a degree, I fear that there will never be completely repaired.

Apron Thrift Girl said...

I'm so sorry to hear what you all are going through. Confrontation isn't ever nice even on the best of times. But it is always heartbreaking when children are involved. Dh went through a divorce as a child and it still bothers him to this day. I hope that you were able to ease the children's tension once you arrived at your destination. Luckily children are strong and are survivors. You sound like a fabulous step-mom to be there for them.

HouseMouse said...

I am so very sorry to read that you all are going through this, dear friend. My parents divorced, and though the acrimony never reached as far as police visits, the tension is still memorable. I learned from them to keep my relationships open and amicable-- maybe these dear daughters will take a positive lesson from all of this and make different decisions. It's so hard, and they are so lucky to have you as a positive influence to help make sense of all of this.

antgirl said...

I wish you peace.

Unfortunatley, it's up to the other party involved, isn't it?

Hopefully all will be too exhausted to continue as is, and things will settle out.

Annie said...

Sounds so bad for the kids. But I understand that jealousy and anger can make a person crazy. I know I would feel terrible pain if I had to give my kids to their dad's new wife every other week or so. Well, I'd probably kill the new wife... ;-) Mind you, I'm writing this in the middle of night dead tired...

But it's so wrong and horrible if the kids have to suffer too. There's just been a lot of discussion of divorces here in Finland thanks to my blog friend who wrote a book about her parents' divorce in the 70's and how she suffered from it. I never even saw my "father", the man whose genes I'm carrying (I try not to think about it), so I think I'm the lucky one because I didn't have to experience divorce.

Anyway, the kids are lucky to have you as a stepmom. But it must be tough. *sigh* I can't even imagine. This reminds me that I have to be nicer to my husband so that he won't ever leave me again. He left me more than once in the beginning, the last time when I was pregnant. It was pure hell. I never want to experience it again.

I would never find another man as good as him because I'm fat, ugly and mean. ;-)

I wish you strength because those kids need you in this horrible situation!

Susan said...

Hey, M ~

Oh, I am so sorry to hear things have escalated to this point - difficult as it may be, if you continue to take the high road, as you have done up to this point, you contribute to a smoother outcome. Good luck - purple candles burning!

Aisling said...

Ugh. What a mess. I hope that as Beren's girls mature, they see how he consistently tried to maintain his relationship with them despite the conflict and turmoil. What a sad situation.

hugs to you, dear friend

Rapunzel said...

Apron Thrift Girl, thank you. I hope that in time they realize how much we were trying to do for them. I never want them to turn against their mom, just appreciate what they have here as well.

Rapunzel said...

Thank you, HouseMouse. Divorce is so hard on everyone, children especially. I like to think that the friendly relationship I had with Kali's father helped make it a bit easier on all concerned, only with that Beren and his ex could follow suit.

Rapunzel said...

Antgirl, yes, the ball is indeed in her court at this point. I'm thinking she's going to slam him with it, lol.

Rapunzel said...

Oh,Annie, it is terrible to give up one's children to the ex and the "other" woman! When I did it with Kali it was heartbreaking! Unfortunately I don't think Beren's ex gives a damn about that aspect, she was asking US to take them from the very beginning, seemed quite ready to "dump" her kids when it benefitted her. This latest stunt has nothing to do with missing her children, it's all about making them pawns in her little game.

Very sad indeed.

Rapunzel said...

Susan,dear friend, those purple candles are working their magick! Thank you!

Rapunzel said...

Thank you, Aisling. We had a 3 hour conversation on Friday..groan...lots of tears, anger & frustration but yesterday was peaceful and (almost) pleasant so maybe some good came from it. I can only hope.