Thursday, August 5, 2010

Broken-Hearted


I might have mentioned this (a hundred times) before..I am not very good at changes, especially those which involve people leaving. While no one loves to say good-bye, I am especially bad at it. I admit: I have abandonment issues.



Well, in the past couple of months I've had to deal head on with this issue, thanks to changes in our family dynamics (read: people leaving). I am sorry to report that Kali & Kevin separated a couple of months ago, and a reconciliation does not seem likely. Kevin got an apartment on his own, leaving Kristyn and their furbabies behind. Kali is still at home with us, moving on with her life as best she can with the help of her family and friends. Only the two of them know exactly what happens, I only have bits & pieces of stories which add up an unhappy ending to what we believed to be a storybook romance. As if that weren't sad enough, Kevin has chosen to cut himself off from the only family he has really known for the past six years, changing his phone number & e-mail address and deleting us from his Facebook account. While I understand his anger and hurt, he is directing it at the wrong people..in my humble opinion, of course.

On the heels of this, yesterday Beren's girls made a similar decision. We picked them up Monday evening for the long-awaited summer vacation with their dad. Though things have been a bit shaky at times, we had hoped that we would have some quality time together...a week of beach & water park days followed by lazy evenings on the patio, maybe a movie or two thrown in if we got bored. This was not to be the case. By Tuesday morning my nerves were shot, I already knew that things were not going to go well. One's attitude was snobbish to the point of rudeness, the other was a nervous wreck. Both spent as much time as possible holed up in their rooms, apparently just "doing their time" until Sunday night when they could return home. We couldn't stand it. We spoke up, asked for an explanation, understanding..something to help us bridge the gap and make things better, to no avail. Wednesday morning they woke up and informed us that they wanted to go home, that in fact they never want to come up to Ormond with us again. That clearly we can't "get along" and we should stop trying to "force it." They maintain that they never want to be with us, that they lie and manipulate the situation in order to avoid it. There was more, but I'll spare you further details. A couple of hours & a river of tears later, they were gone. Their grandfather who lives nearby took them to his house until their mother arrived to take them home. I couldn't, wouldn't, say goodbye. I took Loki and went outside, too hurt and upset to deal with it. Confused & shellshocked, Beren and I spent the rest of the afternoon talking, him trying to figure out where & how he may have failed as a parent, me fighting the incredible feeling of hatred and rejection. Neither of us thought this "blended family" thing was going to be easy, but we never imagined it would turn out like this.



Where do we go from here? At this point Beren has chosen to give up his "forced" visitation unless the girls truly want to see him. I suggested that a couple days prior to his regularly scheduled weekend he e-mail them, invite them to see him, put it out there, and leave it up to them. They are 14 - 1/2 and 17..old enough to make some decisions for themselves. At least they will know that they are wanted and loved, whether or not they choose to respond is their decision.

So, in the span of a few months my family has lost a minimum of three members. I am disillusioned and broken-hearted.




6 comments:

Aisling said...

So sorry to hear about these conflicts in your life, dear friend. Beginnings and endings... seem to be all around us, all of the time. The best we can do, is to play our part with grace and love. And, I know you do that so generously. Hang in there.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Rapunzel said...

Thank you, my dear wise Aisling. xoxoxox

jan said...

I am so very sorry to hear this. Blended families are so very difficult and always have the potential to go haywire despite the best of intentions. That, plus teenagers are just snotty little creatures :-) As far as Kali and Kevin are concerned, it plain sucks that he's distanced himself from all of you. I told John from the beginning that should anything ever happen between the two of us, I want him to stay in contact with my parents. Family is family dammit.

Sorry this post is so long. Sending you lots of good energy!

Rapunzel said...

Jan, your comments are never too long. Thank you so much for your words of comfort and support, it means so much. xoxoxo

Allan said...

Children suck. I am in similar situation, amped to the nth degree. Horrible for my wife, as I am sure it is for Beren. They will grow up soon enough. At least I hope... Keep trying to smile...

Rapunzel said...

Allan, your comment made me smile..thank you, I needed that today! We'll get through it somehow.