On My Hearth: Rainy Day Chili

 

This dish is so easy, hardly a recipe, yet when I've tried to be fancy and make other more complicated versions, I'm not happy. This one tastes the most like the chili my mom used to make, the one she'd put together on a chilly Saturday.morning and we'd "eat off of" all weekend long. Of course, Mom's version contained a pound of ground beef and was "sopped up" with white bread, but still..this invokes the same feeling of warmth and comfort. I have been making this chili for so many years, it's a family favorite and a go-to on rainy, dreary days or when we're craving a bit of hearty comfort food. 

Rainy Day Chili

3 cups (2 cans) cooked beans (kidney, black bean, etc)

1 1/2 cups frozen veggie crumbles (we like Gardein)

1 can diced tomatoes, fire-roasted for best flavor (to 2 cans)

1 envelope chili seasoning mix 

Diced onion and/or bell pepper, optional

Add all ingredients to a slow cooker and walk away for the day! 

At dinnertime, scoop and serve topped with vegan sour cream & cheese shreds, oyster crackers, chopped scallions..whatever you like. 

We like a nice big hunk of cornbread with our chili, haven't found a better one than the Trader Joe's mix. I veganize it by using Follow Your Heart egg replacer. 

Enjoy! 

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Yesterday was such a day. So windy & grey, I trudged through my morning walk, struggling against the wind for most of the 3+ miles. Though the colors of the sky weren't as vibrant as usual, even a muted sunrise is a joy to witness! 

It seems we have had quite a few of those grey days lately, doesn't it? And I don't mean just due to weather. The weight of the world, the worries over the pandemic, politics, etc. are bearing down so heavily right now. It's no wonder that so many of us are cooking and baking more than usual, and not just because we have newfound time to do so. I think there's a bigger reason for tidying up our homes, donning our aprons and heading into the kitchen. We're all so afraid, feeling so helpless, and we want to provide a safe place for ourselves and our loved ones. So we, especially women, do what we have always done. We make a home. We prepare a meal. We gather family & friends around our hearth and feed them comfort in one of the few ways we can. Cooking for someone is my love language, and I know I'm not alone in that. It's also a way I cope with my anxiety. When things get crazy in my life, or simply in my head, I cook. Chopping and measuring, mixing and pouring, these motions calm my spirit and quiet my mind while also producing something delicious to share. It's a healthy coping mechanism, and one I turned to many times this year, and, if the headlines are any indication, I'll likely be doing again and again. 

Rapunzel~ 

You're Aging Well

 

"I'm so glad that you finally made it here
With the things you know now, that only time could tell
Looking back, seeing far, landing right where we are
And oh, you're aging, oh and I am aging,
Oh, aren't we aging well?" ~ Dar Williams

https://youtu.be/aETWMI2XMnk

I recently celebrated my 56th birthday and, as is my tradition, I started the day with a long walk on the beach and a weepy listen to the beautiful song above. Since being introduced to it, and Dar herself, way back in the late 90's, it has become the birthday anthem for myself and the dear friends who discovered her with me. 

I had a wonderful day with family, blessed with delicious food & Kali-baked cake, generous, thoughtful gifts, cuddles from grandchildren and puppies..who could ask for more? I felt very special and loved. 

The next day we donned our masks and ventured out to the museum, the first real outing I've had since the pandemic. It was lovely to walk around, observing social distancing, look at the natural wonders and awe at the butterflies.

And now, back home and normal life, whatever that is. I admit, the situation is wearing on me. I'm a little depressed, a bit more anxious than usual, and unfortunately don't see an end in sight. I'm trying to remain hopeful, but between the virus, the politics, the civil unrest, and the wildfires, I'm overwhelmed and having a hard time seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. I'm trying, really I am. Every day I wake up, take my sunrise walk, thank the Universe for another day on the planet, and try to do my best to make some sort of positive impact, however small. It's not easy, and I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, or if I'll be able to pay my rent this month. I'm not afraid of getting shot in the street, in my car, or in my bed. I'm privileged. I know this, and I bear some guilt/shame  for even daring to complain when there are those so much worse off, who don't have the luxury of just staying home to stay safe. So, I'll try to be more grateful, less whiny about the small ways my life has changed. But I'll also allow myself to feel the grief and loss and the fear of the unknown, because that's real and true and honest and we all need to talk about these feelings to get through them, right? And I'll do what I can about the things I can control. I'll take the best care of myself and my family that I can. I'll support small businesses who share my values. I'll make donations to causes that matter to me. I'll stay present, keep learning and growing. And I'll use my voice and power November 3rd to help vote for change. Because whatever the "after times" look like, they have to be better than right now. We have to ensure that they are. 

Rapunzel~

This past Friday, my Lily graduated with her Masters in Social Work! Thanks to the Coronavirus, we had to cancel our family trip to be there with her which the most disappointing, heartbreaking part of this experience thus far. We all so wanted to watch her walk across the stage, receive that hard-earned diploma, cheer and weep with  pride. Take her to lunch after, raise a glass of sparkling cider in her honor. Instead, we had to do that through a virtual commencement and a Zoom meeting. 

It certainly wasn't the same, and not nearly good enough for her, for us, but we made the best of it and look forward to a real celebration once we're together again. (soon, goddess willing). 

Today is Mother's Day, and I'm filled with mixed emotions. Excited to drive to be with Kali &  Bambi & babies, but am missing Lily so much, nothing feels complete without her. I'm also missing my own mom, and am thinking how proud she would be of Lily, and how happy she was on her own graduation day. It was "only" an Associates Degree, but she was the first in her family to have any type of formal education, and she was very proud of that fact, as well she should be. I vaguely remember her own graduation day, but can't recall the date. I'm guessing 1986 or early 1987..

Congratulations, Mom. Your namesake accomplished something amazing! I wish you were here to see her. 

Rapunzel~

A New Day

Eight years have passed since my last post, and wow has a lot changed! I won't attempt to catch up on everything, just jumping in where I am now, and the stories will unfold as they see fit to do. I'm not even sure why I'm writing here again as blogging has become a bit passé, no? It seems to have been replaced with various other social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, to name a few) it seems unnecessary and perhaps even redundant to also blog about one's life. Yet, here I am, doing just that. And it appears I'm not alone, I see other friends return to this format or to other ways they have expressed themselves in the past. One friend is blogging after a long absence. My daughter has created a virtual zine. Maybe it's nostalgia, a yearning for a simpler time, or the general trend toward less clutter, busy-ness, which for some of us includes idle screen time. Or, maybe it's the pandemic. Maybe we want to memorialize this, this insane moment in history, one which will be discussed, debated, dissected by generations to come. Maybe we want to leave our marks in some way, tell our stories in our own voices. Maybe we are facing our own mortality. Or, perhaps we simply have more hours now, stuck in lockdown, to think, to dream, to write, to create. To breathe. 

Whatever the reason, I see this collective inward turning as a good thing, a bright spot in an otherwise dark & scary place, and hope that on the other side we are better, stronger people for have taken this pause to draw inward a little, then reach out in the ways that feel most comfortable, most relative, to ourselves.  

So, as for myself, well, to be honest, there has been some relief mixed in with the anxiety and fear. Underneath the constant undercurrent of stress & worry, deep down, there's a peacefulness that comes with the realization that my social calendar, limited as it was, is now completely bare. I no longer feel the pressure to go out when I don't feel like, to socialize when I'd rather stay home alone, go and do and be something that isn't really who I am! I have kept my circle really small, and my commitments minimal, but still..there were many days when I would have prefered to sit on my couch and read rather than go out to dinner, for coffee, to lunch..whatever I felt that I needed to do to keep up with what was expected of me socially, societally. I always suspected that I was an introvert, but once I quit drinking two years ago I realized just how much that was true, how often I used alcohol to force myself to do things I'd have preferred not to do. With that came more knowledge about myself, and eventually acceptance for not being the someone I pretended to be. Or tried to be. Or felt pressured to be. I stopped apologizing for not being her, and summoned the courage to say no. No, I don't want to go to happy hour. No, I don't want to go to a restaurant where there is nothing healthy/vegan on the menu. I choose not to sit at a crowded bar and listen to loud music while squished up against drunk people. No, no, no. No, thank you. I found my voice, and discovered that the sky didn't fall after all. My real friends & family still love me even though I am sober now. My husband, though admittedly misses the "fun" times of drinking with me, didn't leave me and we have found other ways to enjoy each other's company that don't involve alcohol. Nothing bad happened, and so many good things did! 

So, all of this to say: I had already been a little bit isolated. I'd already turned inward, discovered new past times and picked up long lost hobbies. Baked and cooked, read & crocheted. Cleaned & organized. Embraced my homebody nature. That part hasn't been hard for me. Except, and this is a HUGE exception: my family. I miss my children and grandchildren desperately. Which is why, after 8 weeks of being apart, I took a calculated, careful risk and went to see them last week. And it was everything. Everything sweet and wonderful and poignant and beautiful and heartwrenching and I will never, ever forget the moment when A ran to me, arms outstretched and gave me the biggest, best hug I have ever had. Grabbing all of my grandbabies, holding my daughters tight, something I never really took for granted but is even more precious now. 

Now, we wait. We keep doing what we have been for the past couple of months, sit tight, be safe, be careful, stay healthy. Wash hands. Wear masks. Hope & pray that this passes soon while wondering what the "new normal" will look like. In the meantime, I'll keep looking inward, deciding what I'll bring with me from my old life, and what parts I'll leave behind. I think I'll keep writing, for myself, so that I will remember. 

Michele~