Goodbye, My Friend

 

It's been 12 days since we lost him, and I'm still processing, not ready to write about it yet. I know I should get these feelings out there, but every time I sit down to write something in me resists and I just can't. Maybe someday I will sit down and beautiful, eloquent words will flow and I'll be able to honor who he was, what he meant to me, but for now I'll just repost what I wrote in April of 2007. 

I love you, "Strider," and will miss you every day of my life. 

Re-post from April 13, 2007: 

Since neither of my youngest daughters have been inspired to choose a "character" for my blog (apparently the nasty business of school and work consumes them), I'll move along and come back to them later. Ex-husband #1 and I share such a long, complicated history; it would take a novel-length post to tell our story! In a nutshell: he and Beren are best friends, have been for 35 years now. I dated Beren first, way back in the day when we were young and wild and a little bit crazy. When circumstances drove us apart, I had the good fortune to be "taken care of" by this amazing man who I went on to marry and create a child with. The marriage didn't last, but the friendship did, and it has only gotten stronger and deeper as we have co-parented and befriended each other through the years. He is a wonderful, passionate father who really opens his heart..a rare find in a man nowadays. He has been "with" me through thick and thin, the subsequent break-up of my second marriage and everything that lead up to it. Several years ago he gave me an amazing gift: he and Kali orchestrated a meeting between myself and Beren, the first time we'd laid eyes on each other in 20-something years. They had no idea what would happen, only that I still had feelings for Beren that I needed to explore further or put closure to. The rest is history, as they say, but I have the greatest admiration for this man who loved me, and his friend, enough to give us his blessing. When the rest of the world looked on in shock and disbelief at the situation, my ex-husband showed grace and dignity and acceptance. He was one of our few "cheerleaders," never losing hope that we would make it, that it would all work out. I can't speak for him, but I know that I feel completely loved by him in the most pure, sincere way, and I believe that Beren feels the same. So, that's the condensed version of the story, and my introduction to Strider..a/ka/ Aragorn..ex-husband to me, best friend to Beren, father of Kali. He says that he chose Strider because he is heroic & chivilrous, and I think that describes him perfectly.

Rest

I'm taking a course by the author Patti Digh called First 37 for 2021. Each day we receive writing prompts and encouragement to go deeper, live with intention, create more meaning in our lives. I am really enjoying it so far, already feel more peaceful and enlightened and am enjoying the community of Like-minded people. Well, today's instruction consisted of just one word: REST. 

After the insanity and chaos of yesterday's political drama, that's just what I intend to do today. I'm going to breathe deeply, move slowly and allow my body and mind to calm down. There's a lot of work to be done in our country, and I hope to do my part, but for today, some healing is needed. 

Have a beauty-full day,

Rapunzel

On My Hearth: Creole Black-eyed Peas

photo by Kali

Because 2020 was such a freaking mess (to put it mildly), I am not taking any chances with this year! Not only did I make my own batch of lucky black-eyed peas, I also gifted a bag of Rancho Gordo to each of my daughters. Everyone prepared her own recipe, wish I could have tasted them all but, alas, distance prevented that from happening. I had to settle for just my own, which is so delicious and, like every recipe from Susan Voisin, is always a hit! 

My photo doesn't do it justice, head over to FatFree Vegan Kitchen and grab the recipe for Creole Black-eyed Peas.  I usually serve it with a hunk of cornbread alongside, but after a few indulgent holiday meals, I need to get back on track with my eating plan before my jeans are any tighter! I'm starting with Square One, listening to Chef AJ each morning as I walk, cleaning up my kitchen and preparing compliant meals. I'll have those few pounds gone in no time. 

The walking is so important, I really feel it when I miss a couple days in a row. So, back to regular movement, structure and focus and routine! 

Have a beauty-full day,

Rapunzel~

Structure

 

Each January I choose a word or phrase to be the theme for the year, and this year is no different. I wanted to select something spiritual or meaningful, thinking that the last 9 months of Covid lockdown should have resulted in a personal revelation of sorts. Honestly, no such thing happened. What the pandemic has done is confirmed the truths I already knew about myself, and given me "permission" to embrace the things I wasn't quite willing to before. I'm no longer going to apologize for being an introvert, for needing a lot of alone time, for preferring to stay home, for not enjoying crowds and noise. There's nothing wrong with wanting to hunker down with my husband and my pets, read a book or binge on Netflix. I'm not a bad friend if I would rather meet at a coffee shop for an hour or two than commit to a full day or night of socialization. While I understand that as grownups we sometimes have to step outside our comfort zones, do things because our family or friends enjoy them, that is more the exception than the rule from here on. Forced social distancing has helped me shore up some boundaries I was already building, and that feels good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hermit committing to a life of solitude; I enjoy the company of friends and family! I'm just more and more discerning about where and with whom I want to spend my leisure time. 

So, the primary word for 2021, the one that's been coming up for me for some time, is..

Since retiring and moving to Ormond, I've had a lot more time on my hands, and find myself wasting too much of it. At the end of the day, I look back and realize that I've spent too many hours puttering around the house, scrolling social media, and generally floating through my day with little accomplished at the end of it. For months now I've been trying to implement a routine to add some structure and meaning to my days, and I think I have a plan in place or at least a rough draft which can be tweaked as needed. 

Also, I am choosing a second word, one that served me well a couple of years ago and continues to pop into my head many times a day..

Whenever I get distracted, I gently remind myself to focus, pay attention to the task at hand, be in the present moment. There's rarely anything so urgent that needs my immediate action, I don't need to multitask. It's fine, preferable in fact, to just focus on this one thing. Whether it's a text message, a fleeting thought, a nagging reminder..it can wait its turn. Breathe. Everything in good time. 

So, that's where I am right now. Still building, putting a concrete plan in place, but I know what I want the finished product to look like, how I'd like to spend my days on the whole. That's half the battle, right? 

Rapunzel~