Daily Om: Letting Go

I actually sought out this Daily Om today; I needed some inspiration regarding letting go, detachment. It's interesting that the original article was written 2 years ago almost to the day!

I've been in a quiet place the past couple of days, reflecting on some relationships in my life that are changing, some by my own decision and others against my wishes. I don't do well with change and yet it keeps on happening, doesn't it? Nothing stays the same, including friendship I guess.

One of my oldest friends is going through some tough times and is withdrawing into herself, something she does when she is overwhelmed and dealing with big stuff in life. I respect that and just let her know that I'll be waiting when she is ready to poke her head out of the cave.

One of my newest friends has asked for some "space," various reasons and though I was stung and surprised, I'm trying to be respectful of that as well.

And then there is a relationship with some extended family members that I am choosing to detach from. Not cut off, not sever, just pull back a bit. I've tried and tried to connect, grow closer and have been met with indifference. I've been hurt and disappointed and need to lick my wounds for a while.

I'm a bit confused by all of this, not sure why this is happening. It's hard for me to let go of relationships, even when I know inately that it's for the best, that it's necessary to grow and be happier. I'm a Leo, after all, and am known for loving/caring deeply and intensely, sometimes to my own demise. But I must do this, have to start protecting my heart just a little bit more, might need to learn detachment and perhaps even grow some thicker skin so that I don't find myself beaten and bruised quite so often. We'll see how that goes.

March 30, 2005
Being Truly Free
Letting Go

There is tremendous freedom in letting go. It is liberation to free ourselves of things that clutter our lives; too many possessions, useless emotions, unhealthy habits, old beliefs, even people that drain our energy. All of these things and more can weigh us down. Every once in awhile it's good to "clean out our closets" literally and figuratively.

Like pruning dead branches or like a snake shedding an old skin, we need to let go of the what no longer serves or what no longer fits, so that there is room for something new, alive, and what is needed at this time in our lives. Yet, we are a possessive society. We often hold on to things, feelings, and relationships out of habit or, many times, out of fear of being without. For so much of learning to let go is about learning to trust. We have to be able to trust that, indeed, new branches will grow, that there is a new skin under the old one. And yet, to the degree that we are willing to let go, we are able to receive. When we stop holding on and clinging to anything, we realize we have everything.

For in reality, we really own nothing. Certainly, we don't own people. Our spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, children are not really "ours." Even if we own the title to our house or car, such possessions can be gone in a moment, taken by a natural disaster, an accident, or financial circumstances. Native Americans could not grasp the European concept of "owning" land, anymore than one can own the sky. For everything belongs to the universe, as even we do. When we allow ourselves to rethink our sense of "ownership," it is easier to let go. We no longer need to feel burdened by the responsibility of having to hold on to something. Rethink the value of a prized book collection, a coveted job, and feelings for an old flame. Perhaps it isn't necessary to physically get rid of something, but letting go of the power that a person, ideology, or material object possesses is truly freeing.

Daily Om: Accepting Yourself

When I was younger, especially during my 20's and early 30's, I was very hard on myself, terribly judgmental and downright self-abusive. I berated myself for every real or imagined mistake and misdeed, lived in a constant state of worry and guilt. I'm not sure where that shifted - turning 40? Getting divorced? Finding Beren? Whatever the reason/cause, I am so much kinder to myself now. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have moments of self-flagellation, still constantly struggle with low self-esteem and poor self-image. I am a perfectionist, it's part of my nature, and when I fail to be less-than-perfect (which is every day, of course) I am harder on myself than anyone else could be. But..still...the chronic guilt has faded. I don't obsess quite as much, don't tear myself down as often. I give myself a break, even encourage myself to be a "bad girl" now & then! Good & bad, yin & yang, dark & light, it's all part of me, of us as humans, and it does no good to tear those aspects apart. In fact, it does great harm.

So, nowadays I live & love the best I can. Always striving to be better, of course, but not at the expense of losing the very essence of Rapunzel, of who I am. You know what? I'm just fine how I am! In fact, some days I think I'm absolutely fabulous!


March 25, 2008
Accepting Yourself
A Dynamic Choice-Maker
There is no such thing as a good person or a bad person. There are choices and actions that lead us in different directions, and it is through those choices and actions that we create our realities. Sometimes we choose or do something that takes us in the opposite direction of the reality we want to create for ourselves. When we do this, we feel bad—uneasy, unhappy, unsure. We might go so far as to label ourselves “bad” when a situation like this arises. Instead of labeling ourselves, though, we could simply acknowledge that we made a choice that lead us down a particular path, and then let it go, forgiving ourselves and preparing for our next opportunity to choose, and act, in ways that support our best intentions.

Many of us experienced childhoods in which the words good and bad were used as weapons to control us—you were good if you did what you were told and bad if you didn’t. This kind of discipline undermines a person’s ability to find their own moral center and to trust and be guided by their own inner self. If you were raised this way, you may find yourself feeling shockwaves of badness when you do something you were taught was wrong, even if now you don’t agree that it’s bad. Conversely, you may feel good when you do what you learned was right. Notice how this puts you in something of a straitjacket. An important part of our spiritual unfolding requires that we grow beyond what we learned and take responsibility for our own liberation in our own terms.

You are a human being with every right to be here, learning and exploring. To label yourself good or bad is to think too small. What you are is a decision-maker and every moment provides you the opportunity to move in the direction of your higher self or in the direction of stagnation or degradation. In the end, only you know the difference. If you find yourself going into self-judgment, try to stop yourself as soon as you can and come back to center. Know that you are not good or bad, you are simply you.

On My Hearth: Reservations!

I'm tagging along on a little business trip with Beren tonight, heading just an hour or so north of the Castle. As you know, I love doing this because it gives me some forced relaxation time - I can read, play on the computer, etc. without piles of laundry and dirty dishes mocking me. It won't be a very long trip, though, as Beren has meetings all day tomorrow so there's really no need for me to hang around the area. Instead I'll get up at a normal time, have breakfast and then head home to work.

Still, a nice dinner out and some couple time in a hotel room is a very good thing indeed. *wink*

On My Hearth: Chicken with Tomatoes and Thyme

When I made the Rosemary Chicken a few days ago I bought the family pack of drumsticks since they were cheaper; I'll be using the rest of the package tonight for this dish. Since no one in my house likes capers I'm probably going to leave them out. I have everything else on hand so no need to run to the store and waste gas, yay!


Chicken with Tomatoes and Thyme

1 lemon
28-ounce can diced tomatoes 28-ounce can diced tomatoes
8 sprigs thyme
1 tablespoon capers
4 small chicken thighs
4 small chicken drumsticks
Kosher salt and pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 1-quart resealable plastic freezer bags

Freeze It:
Slice the lemon into rounds.

In a small bowl, combine the tomatoes and their liquid, lemon, thyme, and capers. Divide them among the 4 plastic freezer bags.

Season the chicken with 1 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Add 1 leg and 1 thigh to each bag.

Freeze, for up to 3 months, until ready to cook.

Cook It:
Heat oven to 400° F.

Remove the bags of chicken and tomatoes from the freezer (you'll need 1 bag of chicken and tomatoes for each serving). Empty the contents of each bag into a baking dish. Drizzle with the oil, using 1 1/2 teaspoons for each serving. (For 4 servings, use 2 tablespoons oil.)

Roast until the chicken is golden brown and cooked through, about 50 minutes.

Yield: Makes 4 servings

CALORIES 440 (57% from fat); FAT 28g (sat 6g); SUGAR 12g; PROTEIN 33g; CHOLESTEROL 141mg; SODIUM 688mg; FIBER 5g; CARBOHYDRATE 15g

Real Simple, MARCH 2008

Easter Weekend

We had such an amazing Easter weekend, the perfect balance of family, friends & fun! Since they are putting a new roof on the castle and the noise is deafening, we did our best to stay out as much as possible.  What a hardship, eh?

Friday night we went to Boston Johnny’s to see Sooner or Later, had a great time there with friends.

Saturday we did our haus frau chores and puttered around, cooked a nice dinner and relaxed until the evening when we joined tons of work friends to see one of the partners in his new band, Bonehed. We stopped for a nice greasy breakfast at Lester’s on the way home, the perfect hangover preventative!

Easter morning came much too early, but we managed to rouse ourselves out of bed in time to host brunch for the family and watch the kids open their Easter baskets. (yeah, even at 23, 18 and 16 the bunny still comes to visit them!) Unfortunately my Mom is sick with that nasty cold so she & Dad weren’t able to make it, wasn’t the same without them. Strider stopped by for a bit, though, so that was a nice surprise.

Sunday afternoon found us once again escaping the roofer noise (bless them for working on a holiday!), so we headed to a local charity benefit, were treated to new-to-us band, Trucker, what a great show! We met an especially lovely version of the Easter bunny whose basket was filled with... Jello shots!

Overall a fabulous weekend but I’d venture to say that next week will be a tiny bit quieter....well, maybe!

Sunday Funnies: Easter Bunny

Parmesan Pasta with Chicken and Rosemary

Parmesan Pasta with Chicken and Rosemary

12 ounces (3 cups) orecchiette pasta
1 3 1/2- to 4-pound rotisserie chicken
2 tablespoons chopped fresh rosemary
3/4 cup grated Parmesan
Kosher salt and pepper

Cook the pasta according to the package directions.

Shred the chicken, using a fork or your fingers, while the pasta cooks. Discard the skin and bones.

Drain the pasta, reserving 1 1/4 cups of the water. Return the pasta to the pot.

Add the reserved pasta water, chicken, rosemary, 1/2 cup of the Parmesan, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper to the pot. Stir over medium-low heat until the sauce has thickened slightly, about 2 minutes.

Divide among individual bowls and sprinkle with the remaining Parmesan.

Tip: Using water reserved from the pasta pot is a classic cook's trick. Starchy and salted, it makes a light, flavorful sauce when tossed with cheese and herbs. It's also great for thinning pestos and marinaras.

Yield: Makes 4 servings

CALORIES 689 (24% from fat); FAT 18g (sat 7g); PROTEIN 65g; CHOLESTEROL 174mg; SODIUM 1355mg; FIBER 3g; CARBOHYDRATE 66g

Real Simple, APRIL 2008

On My Hearth: Three-Bean Chili with Spring Pesto

Three-Bean Chili with Spring Pesto

1 tablespoon plus 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 small yellow onion, chopped
2 carrots, diced
1 14.5-ounce can diced tomatoes, including liquid
Kosher salt and pepper
1 15.5-ounce can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1 15.5-ounce can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
1 15.5-ounce can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
3 tablespoons pine nuts, chopped
1 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
Crusty bread (optional)

Heat 1 tablespoon of the olive oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the onion and carrots and cook until tender, about 5 minutes. Stir in the tomatoes and their liquid, 2 cups water, 1 1/2 teaspoons salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper and bring to a boil. Add the chickpeas and beans and cook until heated through, about 3 minutes.

Combine the garlic, pine nuts, parsley, the remaining olive oil, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/8 teaspoon pepper in a small bowl.

Divide the chili among individual bowls and top with the pesto. Serve with the bread, if desired.

Shortcut: Instead of chopping the garlic, pine nuts, and parsley by hand, pulse them in a food processor before adding the oil.

Yield: Makes 4 servings

CALORIES 408 (49% from fat); FAT 22g (sat 3g); PROTEIN 11g; CHOLESTEROL 0mg; SODIUM 1384mg; FIBER 11g; CARBOHYDRATE 43g

Real Simple, APRIL 2008

Daily Om: Divorce With Grace

Very interesting Daily Om today as I filed for divorce on this date from my first husband, and then coincidentally married my second husband on this date, 20 years ago. Since it's the first day of spring/Ostara it seemed appropriate though accidental. Bittersweet time for me today.

March 20, 2008
A Life-Altering Decision
Divorce With Grace

Like the act of marriage that binds two people together, divorce is the result of a life-altering decision. It is the dissolving of a relationship that we believed would last our whole lives. We may not even be able to articulate how we got to this place, yet we may also feel we have no choice but to sever this tie. Whatever we feel, we need the support of the friends and family who will stand by us no matter what we decide. At some point, we may need to be challenged to look deeper inside ourselves as we make this very important decision, but what we need most of all is unconditional love and loyalty.

Divorce is a process that, once in motion, becomes difficult to stop, and this can be painful if we find ourselves having second thoughts. We may feel that we should do more to save the marriage, or we may wonder if there is something about ourselves that we could fix or change instead of going through with this painful separation. On the other hand, we may be seeing in hindsight that our marriage was truly only meant to last for a short time so that we could learn something we needed to know. Whatever the case, we need friends who will allow us to linger in confusion when we don’t have the answers and who will support us whether we find ways to reconcile and stay married or whether we walk away.

Of course, the most essential ally we have lives inside our hearts and speaks to us from within. We can trust this inner guide to help us choose people who will support us in kind and loving ways as we navigate the rough terrain of confusion and loss. Sometimes all we can do is look to the horizon, remembering that we will get through this time, and no matter what happens we will once again feel whole.

Ostara Blessings

Today Pagans celebrate Ostara, the Vernal Equinox. I'll be doing my own simple ritual here at home, then on Sunday we will celebrate Easter in the traditional way with baskets & colored eggs, etc.

Brightest Ostara blessings and Happy Easter to you all.