Update on Mom

I have avoided this post because somehow putting it here in writing makes it even more real, but I need to get it out there so here goes: My Mom indeed has cancer..in "various locations," and therefore inoperable. We are not sure the type or the definite origin but the surgeon who did the biopsy suspects that it started in the lung. At this point we are scrambling to make an appointment with an oncologist so that we can determine the course of treatment so once again we are in wait & see mode.

Mom seems to be doing ok at the moment, I think she is processing the news in her own quiet way. My dad and I are in pro-active mode because it helps to DO something instead of succumbing to feelings of powerless that threaten to overtake us. I'm researching, he's making phone calls, we are both trying to hold it together and stay strong, remain positive.

I ask again for your thoughts/prayers/healing energy as well as any and all information you may have on how to beat this horrible disease. We are willing to consider all options, both western medicine and alternative/holistic. Whatever it takes.

My dear friend Aisling asked if I would post a picture of my Mom so that she can visualize her in prayer so I'm including one above. As I said before, her name is Phyllis..I'm sure the God/dess recognizes her as one of earth's most precious angels...we just pray and plead that she stay with us a bit longer because we truly need her here on earth...ok God? Please?

Introducing Minerva

I did some more reflecting on my post about Girlfriends and realized that though I do deeply miss those old friends and sometimes long for the past and the connections we shared, I have indeed made some new friends who have enriched my "new life" in incredible ways.

I'd like to introduce one of these friends is one whom I'll call Minerva, the Roman goddess of many things including medicine, wisdom, and the inventor of music. I met Minerva a year ago at a little coffee shop where her brother, my workmate, was playing in a band. She was there with her family and new boyfriend, and throughout the course of the evening I learned that she, too, was recently divorced and had two young children. We immediately hit it off, I felt instantly connected to her and Beren felt the same about her beau. Well, over the course of the past year we've became quite close, "double dating" at band performances, barbeques, dinners, etc. Last weekend we even stayed at Minerva's condo on the beach about an hour from the Castle. We share similar histories, a passion for music, the beach, our families and our children. She is free-spirited yet also stable and strong, calm and dependable.

We always have a fabulous time together, our communication is free-flowing and effortless. She is truly a kind, caring, wonderful person and it makes perfect sense why she has chosen the profession she is in - Nursing.

So you see, in addition to Minerva being an amazing person and good friend, she has also become an invaluable resource during my mom's illness. It was she who recommended doctors for us, helped us understand tests and subsequent lab reports. She has been there for me, in her words "at 3 am if needed" and I can't tell you how much this is appreciated. She is a source of strength and truth and I know that I can get through this horrible time just a little bit easier with her by my side. I truly believe that she and her family were sent to me and mine at a time when we needed them the most..the Universe was looking out for me when she sent this goddess into my life last year, and I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, Minerva, my dear new friend. I love you.

Girlfriends

Yesterday I went to see the Sex and the City movie. Having been a huge fan, this was a long-awaited moment for me and I had once anticipated seeing it with a group of my girlfriends, on the very day it opened. Like so many other women across America, we'd dress up, have a Cosmo or two, head to the theatre as a group of giddy middle-aged SATC-wanna-bes. However, when the day actually arrived the occasion was quite different. Instead, I took Bambi on her birthday, to a matinee, both of us dressed in t-shirts and jeans. I didn't even wear heels, Carrie would be appalled. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy the experience; on the contrary, Bambi and I had a fabulous time sharing popcorn, laughter and tears. But..it was a far cry from the pictures below:







It was February 22, 2004. I was recently separated, had just reunited with Beren yet nothing official was happening as of yet. To celebrate the final episode of the show, I invited 4 of my close friends over for a little party. I filled treat bags with fun & sexy goodies, we drank and ate to our heart's content. We laughed and revealed secrets, had a fabulous just-us-girls evening, one I would never forget.

Now, I look back and realize how much my life has changed. Not just the divorce and blended family that comes along with, not just the job changes and lifestyle upheaval. But my girlfriends....of the four at my party I am painfully estranged from one, haven't spoken to another in several years. I remain close to the other two but due to circumstances beyond our control we don't spend nearly enough time together. An occasional lunch or quick cocktail hour is all we allow ourselves. It's not their faults, perhaps it's not mine..it just IS.

So when I viewed the movie yesterday, watched my favorite small-screen gals saunter and sway and laugh and love and drink on that big ol' screen, some of the tears I cried had nothing to do with the plot line. They were tears of sadness, of remorse, of loss..of longing for the times when my own girlfriends were a bigger part of my life, when we were closer and tighter, when we too shared secrets and tears and cosmos, comforted and celebrated each other on a regular basis. I miss that, I truly do. What can I do about it? Is there a way to recapture those friendships or can I build them again with new pals? I'm not sure, but it's definitely something worth pondering..perhaps over a crisp Cosmopolitan in a chilled glass....will that be for one or two?

Today's Inspiration

This Daily Om came at the right time for me as we are still awaiting results from the PET scan she had today. This one will determine if there are any malignancies in her whole body, so its a biggie. I wish I could hand the burden of worry to the Goddess but it's easier said than done.

June 6, 2008
At The Feet Of The Divine
Laying Our Burdens Down
We all know the feeling of walking through life as if we are carrying the huge burden of our worries and stresses on our backs and shoulders, struggling to keep moving forward. There is no real way to move freely and fluidly in such a situation, and we are all longing to lay our burdens down. Just imagining that it would be possible to do such a thing can be enough to elicit a sigh of relief and a feeling of lightness.

The human imagination is a powerful tool, and we can use it to take journeys to faraway places without ever leaving our home. Because of this, we too can lay our burdens down at the feet of a divine being such as the great Mother, Buddha or a mountain. Releasing ourselves from that which we can’t handle on our own. No matter how smart we are, how capable we are, or how hard we work, no one can single-handedly cope with all the worries that we tend to take on in the course of our lives. And, we aren't designed to do so. Our wellbeing depends upon our ability to hand over that which we can no longer carry by ourselves.

Visualizing yourself carrying your burdens to the feet of someone or something much bigger than you can be a powerful daily practice. To begin, sit with your eyes closed and envision an all powerful, supremely comforting being in what ever form that takes for you, standing at the end of a road. See yourself carrying a large sack, box, or other container, imagining that all your worries are inside it. Watch as you make your way to the being of your choice, and lay your baggage down at their feet. Allow yourself to feel the lightness and relief of this action, express your gratitude, and surrender. You will be amazed by how this simple meditation can liberate you from a burden you were never meant to carry.

Congratulations, Lily!

Today is the last day of school for Bambi, Lily finished a couple of months ago as she was able to graduate early. Now, Bambi is a senior and Lily is preparing for college. *sigh* I absolutely can't believe it, where has the time gone?

Congratulations, my beautiful daughter, the middle-of-my heart - I am so very proud of you!!

Kick the Butt

As some of you already know my Mom has been diagnosed with, at the least, serious lung disease and at the worst, lung cancer. Since she became ill everyone has asked me the same question: "What can I do to help?" and to most of you I give the same answer, "Pray, send healing thoughts/energy, whatever you believe. Thank you."

Yet some of you have gotten a different response, one which I'm sure makes you uncomfortable and if so I'm sorry...but to the smokers in my life, the people I love who are struggling with nicotine addiction I say this:

QUIT. Now. Please. This is what you can do for me, for your family, for your friends, but most especially, for your CHILDREN. Please, please don't make your children go through what I'm experiencing now. Don't let them sit with you in waiting rooms and doctors offices, waiting for a prognosis, praying that it will be good news.  Don't allow your children to see you lose 20 pounds in two months, coughing to the point of breathlesness.  Please, when your children beg you to quit, as they inevitably will, as I did from the time I was old enough to realize that it was bad for you, hug them, assure them that you'll quit, and let them see you DO IT.  Do everything you can to ensure that you are there to see your grandchildren born, graduate college, marry, and perhaps even have children of their own.  My daughter is getting married three weeks from today and I honestly don't know if my Mom will be at the wedding, if she will need surgery or treatment before then, if she'll be feeling too weak to attend what will be an incredible once-in-a-lifetime experience. I hate cigarettes for that, I despise them for possibly robbing me of time with my Mother, I am infuriated with nicotine for what it has done to our family, and yeah, I'm a little bit angry with her for not quitting, for not caring enough about herself, or at the very least not caring enough about ME. 

And for those of you who are undoubtedly thinking, "oh, Michele, you have no idea how hard it is, you've never done it!" I say, you're right. I don't know. I have never smoked. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. I have my own vices, I'm not perfect by any means, but by the grace of God/dess I have never become addicted to nicotine.  But you know what? As hard as it may be to quit, nothing, absolutely nothing can be as difficult as looking at your loved ones faces as they experience the pain, the shock, the horror, the overwhelming grief at the thought, at the possibility of losing YOU to an illness that could have been prevented.

I don't know what the future holds for my Mother, for our family, but if I have any regrets it is that I didn't DRAG her to the doctor, kicking and screaming, years ago when I noticed her coughing more. She assured us that she was getting regular check-ups and all was well, but clearly this was not the truth. I should have pushed, I should have insisted.  As angry as she used to get at me for nagging her, hiding her ciggies, as upset as she used to be...it would have been worth it if it had prevented this moment right now.

Tomorrow, May 31st is World No Tobacco Day. Please take this opportunity to kick the butt on smoking.  I promise that I myself will help you any way I can, but don't do it for me; if you can't do it simply for yourself, please, please do it for your children. 

A Lovely Day for a Picnic

We are going to my Dad's company picnic today, an annual event which we've been attending for years. It's always a great time with live music, good food and free beer, what more could you ask for? Oh, and the fact that it's a gorgeous South Florida day..perfect!

Afterwards we're going to see a cute little singer/fiddle player we discovered a few months ago, Amber Leigh. She's, in Beren's words, "cute as a bug" and talented as hell! Kevin and Kali are going to join us, sure to be a good time.

Since we'll be out all day and then going out to see my friend's band tonight, I'm going to put some soup in the crockpot so that everyone can eat as their own schedule allows.

I'm tweaking this recipe, using what I have in the kitchen, will be serving it with leftover bread & salad from Beltane. I cooked the pasta separate and left it in the fridge, diners will add their own scoop or leave it out as I plan to do.

Corrigan's Minestrone

Prep Time: 20 Minutes
Cook Time: 40 Minutes Ready In: 1 Hour
Yields: 12 servings

"Hearty and filling vegetarian soup with potatoes, carrots, celery, onion, garlic, beans and pasta."

INGREDIENTS:

2 tablespoons olive oil
5 potatoes, peeled and cubed
5 carrots, chopped
4 stalks celery, chopped
1 sweet onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
1 (15 ounce) can kidney beans,drained and rinsed
1 (14 ounce) can vegetable broth
1 1/2 quarts water
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
2 tablespoons chopped fresh oregano
1 tablespoon salt
2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni

DIRECTIONS:

1. Heat olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Stir potatoes, carrots, celery, onion and garlic into pot. Mix in tomato paste, beans, broth and water. Season with basil, oregano and salt. Cook and stir 30 minutes, or until vegetables are tender.

2. Mix macaroni into pot. Continue cooking 10 minutes, or until macaroni is tender.

Blessed Beltane

Today was Beltane, a Sabbat that I often neglect to celebrate. This year, however, I was feeling a bit gloomy and decided that some cooking/crafting/entertaining would cheer me, and what better reason than Beltane?

So this morning I planned a last minute feast and plan for making our own miniature May Pole, zipped around to the grocery store and craft store after work gathering the necessary ingredients. I formed the "fertility bread" which was a ton of fun...evil grin....tossed the salad and enjoyed a glass of wine while waiting for the guests to arrive. Bambi gathered the ribbons and flowers for the maypole, set up a crafty area; Kali mixed the dressing and decorated the maypole; Kevin did the assembly and provided a lovely bottle of chilled champagne. Along with my children and their respective boyfriends, we were also joined by several of Kali & Kevin's friends which was the perfect amount of maypole dancers!

Later in the evening we headed out to the herb garden where Kevin provided us all with seeds to plant - beets for the girls, cucumbers for the boys. (yes, Beltane is all about symbolism!) We toasted our efforts, honored the earth and invited the fairies to come frolic in our garden.

The guests headed home, I am off to bed happy and content having honored a special Sabbat in a very meaningful way.

Bright Beltane Blessings to all!

On My Hearth:

Early Summer Salad

Let's face it, May isn't exactly the time when your garden is in full bloom. In fact, your principal crop right now may be mud. But never fear -- there are a ton of early summer greens and fruits you can combine into a salad, making this the perfect beginning to your Beltane feast! Make sure, though, when shopping, that you use the freshest ingredients.

INGREDIENTS:

* 2 C leafy greens, such as baby spinach or arugula
* 2 C dandelion leaves, washed and drained
* 1 tomato, diced
* 1/2 C diced cucumber (remove seeds)
* 4 green onions, chopped
* A few leaves of basil, chopped
* 1/2 C nuts, chopped
* 1 C. fresh raspberries or strawberries
* 2 hardboiled eggs, sliced
* _
* Dressing:
* 1/2 C extra virgin olive oil
* 1/4 C strawberry vinegar
* 2 tsp Dijon mustard
* 2 cloves garlic, minced
* 1 Tbsp honey
* A pinch of salt and pepper

PREPARATION:

Combine all salad ingredients in a bowl. Whisk dressing ingredients together, and serve over salad. This is a perfect meal to eat out on the patio, with some soft buttered bread and a glass of wine.

Fertility Bread

Breads seem to be one of the staple foods of Pagan and Wiccan rituals. If you can tie your break baking into the theme of the Sabbat, even better. In this recipe, I've taken an uncooked loaf of bread (available in the refrigerated section of your grocery) and turned it into a phallus.

To make your fertility bread, you'll need the following:

* 1 loaf refrigerated bread dough
* Melted butter

The phallus bread, naturally, represents the male. He is the horned god, the lord of the forest, the Oak King, Pan. To make the phallus, use one of your refrigerated tubes of dough. Cut the dough into three pieces as shown by the lines in Figure 1. The longest piece is, of course, the shaft of the phallus. Use the two small pieces to form the testes, and place them at the bottom of the shaft (see Figure 2). Use your imagination to shape the shaft into a penis-like shape.

Once you’ve shaped your bread, allow it to rise in a warm place for an hour or two. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes or until golden brown. When it comes out of the oven, brush with a glaze of melted butter. Use in ritual or for other parts of your Beltane celebrations.

My Daughter the College Graduate

I am a proud Mama today after watching my eldest daughter receive her diploma today. She graduated from FIU with her Bachelor's degree, whoo-hoo!

The truly amazing part is that she did this in addition to living on her own (with her fiance) for the past 3 years, paying her own bills, taking care of a houseful of animals, being a wonderful girlfriend/daughter/sister/friend. For the past 9 months she has also become engaged and has been planning her wedding! It makes my head spin just to listen to her schedule, there is no way I could have done it!

Congratulations, Kali. There are no words to expres just how proud I am of you.

I love you, sweetie!

Bye for Now

It seems apropos that my last post before this one is entitled "Letting Go." I feel that I need to do that with this blog right now. I'm not sure if it'll be permanent or temporary, but I just need a break.

Please, please, dear friends who I've met here in blogland, email me at Rapunzelscastle@gmail.com and keep in touch. I do care about you all and want to stay connected, I just would like it to be more intimate, more one-on-one for a while.

Thank you for understanding and not thinking I'm totally crazy. *weak grin*

Hugs to all...Rapunzel

P.S. edited due to TMI