Introducing Selene

"Selene was the Greek Goddess of the Full Moon and of Solutions. She was known as the second aspect of the Moon; the full moon, representing the lover and bride. If someone had a problem, it was Selene that he would turn to, and she would show him the logical solution to his problem.

Since Selene was a Moon Goddess and Helios, her brother, the Sun God, they were often associated with Apollo and Artemis, because they were healers, and thus worshipping them seemed the logical way to prevent diseases or death.

Selene was known as a great beauty, just as the Moon was so very beautiful. Homer, in his Hymn to Selene 2, described Selene, the Moon: "From her immortal head a radiance is shown from heaven and embraces earth; and great is the beauty that arises from her shining light."

Selene has been envisioned as a beautiful adult woman, wearing a golden crown, appearing gentle, quiet and secure in the knowledge of her power."

Today I'm like to introduce you to Selene, my workmate and one of my closet friends. She's a beautiful 30-something woman, single mom to two fantastic children, hard worker, wonderful mother/sister/friend. We've only known each other a year or so yet we bonded quickly and tightly, an immediate connection. In her words, she feels as if "we go way back." Working together allows us the opportunity to share our lives in ways that I can't with other friends, frequent contact breeds intimacy; we know what each ate for dinner last night, the funny things our kids did and said that morning, our latest shoe acquisition, all the joys and woes of daily life. We bitch about work, weight, men, money, politics, and men some more. Since our menstrual cycles are even in sync, we exchange chocolate and Midol and bemoan the trials & tribulations of womanhood. Selene is Italian - earthy and honest and real. She's the one you go to with a big problem; she'll sit you down in her kitchen and serve up a healthy dose of brutal honesty while softening the blow with a big bowl of pasta. You'll take both gratefully and with love, leave full & contented, knowing that your secrets are safe with her. She's an old soul, beyond her years, and I often look to her for wisdom and guidance.

Thank you, Selene, my new old friend. I look forward to many years of dishing, bitching, and shoe shopping with you!

xoxoxoxo

Birthday Girl ~ Part 1

It's barely 5 am, I've been awake for over an hour now. So many things are running through my mind on this, my 44th birthday. I always consider this my "new year" instead of the traditional 1st of January, so I tend to do a lot of soul searching and pondering about my life.

Right now I'm wondering if my mom will even remember what today is. She's so distracted and forgetful, doctors say that's a result of the medication she's on. Without her to remind him, will my dad forget as well? I mean, of course I understand, they have bigger things going on right now, but still...the little girl in me still wants a birthday greeting from her Mommy.

I'm also thinking about changes I want to make in the coming year and of course I'll be sharing/boring those with you all here. *grin*

First up, I want & need to reconnect with the creative/crafty/artsy part of me that's been on the back burner for several years now. Before my divorce, when I worked from home, I spent quite a bit of time crafting and found it very rewarding and therapeutic. I crocheted, made soap and bath salts, dabbled in decoupage and paper crafts, etc. etc. Somehow over the years I've put aside that hobby, seems there was no time for it. But I miss it, I need to get those creative juices flowing again and reconnect to that part of myself. So, Beren and I had a discussion and made a decision to help get the ball rolling.

As much as I hate to admit it, Beren's girls are spending less and less time with us. They are young teenagers and therefore very involved in friends activities in their hometown which is over an hour north of us. As a result, we are often swapping weekends or shortening them in order to accommodate their social activities. Their time here has been narrowed down to approximately one night every two weeks, far from the 4-5 nights they used to spend here. We balked at first but honestly there's nothing we can do about it, it's a normal progression. So, here we sit, with this beautiful empty bedroom that we decorated for them; they don't even use the closet or drawers anymore, just bring what they need for the weekend and pack it all up again when they leave. It seems a waste of space, frankly, and after talking it over with Beren he suggested that I make some changes, utilize that area in a more productive way.

What I decided to do, for now, is to leave their beds and decorations exactly as they are but "claim" an area of the room for myself. So I ventured into the corner of my laundry room which stores my long-neglected craft supplies and started cleaning. I can't believe I am sharing this with you all but, here goes. This is what it looked like before:



I told you it was a mess! Now, in my defense, I do have other artists in the family who are happy to tear through my supplies and leave the area in complete disarray, but I digress..

And this is what it looks like now, about halfway done. I moved their dresser into the closet, sorted out the supplies and labeled the drawers. The tv and dvd player will be relocated to the corner, hanging from the wall, giving me the top of the dresser to use as well. I covered the old desk with bright sunflower contact paper to make it more cheerful, figure that they can also make use of it for homework, etc. when they are here.




It's still a work in progress but I'm off to a really good start! I can't wait to sit down and start a new project; that just might require a birthday trip to the craft store..hmm....wink...

Also, I'm going to get serious about my fitness plan, need to get this body back into shape so that it'll be gorgeous and healthy for many years to come! I re-opened my other blog, In Pursuit of My Inner Pin-Up, where I'll be writing more in detail about such things, so keep an eye out for that in the near future.

The sun is up, time to get dressed and off to work. I'm meeting Kali for lunch, am really looking forward to that, will post more later!

Hugs,

the Birthday Girl!

Introducing Minerva

I did some more reflecting on my post about Girlfriends and realized that though I do deeply miss those old friends and sometimes long for the past and the connections we shared, I have indeed made some new friends who have enriched my "new life" in incredible ways.

I'd like to introduce one of these friends is one whom I'll call Minerva, the Roman goddess of many things including medicine, wisdom, and the inventor of music. I met Minerva a year ago at a little coffee shop where her brother, my workmate, was playing in a band. She was there with her family and new boyfriend, and throughout the course of the evening I learned that she, too, was recently divorced and had two young children. We immediately hit it off, I felt instantly connected to her and Beren felt the same about her beau. Well, over the course of the past year we've became quite close, "double dating" at band performances, barbeques, dinners, etc. Last weekend we even stayed at Minerva's condo on the beach about an hour from the Castle. We share similar histories, a passion for music, the beach, our families and our children. She is free-spirited yet also stable and strong, calm and dependable.

We always have a fabulous time together, our communication is free-flowing and effortless. She is truly a kind, caring, wonderful person and it makes perfect sense why she has chosen the profession she is in - Nursing.

So you see, in addition to Minerva being an amazing person and good friend, she has also become an invaluable resource during my mom's illness. It was she who recommended doctors for us, helped us understand tests and subsequent lab reports. She has been there for me, in her words "at 3 am if needed" and I can't tell you how much this is appreciated. She is a source of strength and truth and I know that I can get through this horrible time just a little bit easier with her by my side. I truly believe that she and her family were sent to me and mine at a time when we needed them the most..the Universe was looking out for me when she sent this goddess into my life last year, and I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, Minerva, my dear new friend. I love you.

Cast of Characters: Introducing Jersey

I've held out for a long time, not ready to introduce this next "character" in my life. She is so dear to me that I've feared my words won't be good enough, they will surely fall short of who she is and what she means to me. Though she lives miles & miles away, though I have never met her in person, she has literally saved my life. Seriously. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would not be emotionally, and perhaps not even physically, alive today if not for her. Years ago, when I was suffering in an abusive marriage, not sure how to get out, or even if I should, I was introduced to her via a homemaking website. I was instantly enamored. Jersey was not the "normal" homemaker that frequents such sites; on the contrary, she was more exciting, more interesting, more intelligent, she was bigger than life..and I felt an immediate connection, knew that I needed her as my friend. Thank the goddess, she somehow saw something in me and wanted me as a friend, too. Over the past 5 plus years this amazing woman has nurtured me, cared for me, listened to me when everyone else grew weary of my complaints. She has answered the phone at wee hours, "talked me down from the bridge" when I was about to jump. I've called her drunk & sobbing from bar bathrooms at my lowest point, and from the middle of the ocean on a sailboat at my highest times. When I was so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed, she was my kick in the ass. When I wasn't sure of which way to go, she held the compass for me. When I wanted to throw in the towel and give up, she pulled me up and kept me going. She created a vision for me and held it up when I couldn't. When I had my first date with Beren, it was she who I called and she talked me through the nervousness, the fear, even helped dress me through cyberspace. (Beren thanks you, by the way, the sexy sundress was a big hit!) Through it all, through the years of hell, good & bad, happiness & tears, this woman has been there. I've told Beren time & time again, when you finally meet Jersey you are to sink to the ground and kiss her feet. For truly, without her I would've given up on love a long time ago..we really would not have made it without her input, her wisdom, her friendship..her love.

So, when people tell me that internet friends aren't "real," when they chuckle and roll their eyes when I describe my connections to such..I think of Jersey, and I am the one who has the last laugh. Because I am here, I am whole, and I am incredibly blessed..and this lady has much to do with all of that. If there is such a thing as angels, Jersey is indeed mine, sent by the goddess to look out for me during a horrific time.

So, Jersey, when we finally get to meet, suffice it to say that Beren won't be the only one kissing your feet. I love you, and though it's not enough: Thank you. You have been my Angel.

Cast of Characters: Introducing Benzaiten

"BENZAITEN or Benten
Goddess of Music, Poetry, Learning, Art
Goddess of the Sea, Protector of Children"

Oh, how to introduce this next character in my life? She herself has chosen her fictitious name and I am eternally grateful because it suits her so perfectly!

Goddess of Music, Poetry, Learning, Art: When I met Benzaiten (could it be 12 years ago?), I was immediately immersed in the wonderful world of her music...to say that she loves music is an understatement of the utmost proportions: she does not just love it, she lives it. She has introduced me to countless artists, zillions of songs..I have sat in her living room just feet away from such amazing performers that I had to pinch myself to ensure that it was not a dream! She has opened doors and windows and worlds to me, not just musically but through literature as well. Over the years we have spent hours in libraries and book sales, traded novels and book reviews, finding renewed passion in the written word through each other. She has enriched my life in so many ways, art being just one of them.

Goddess of the Sea: oh, yes, she is indeed a lover of the sea! I believe she is most comfortable wearing her bathing suit & colorful pareo, collecting seashells down her favorite beach..basking in the glow of the summer sunset.

Protector of Children: Not only was she a preschool teacher for years, my Benzaiten has a lovely way with all children..with her dangly earrings, flowy dresses, armfuls of shiny bracelets, she attracts them one and all. They are drawn to her beautiful face and the soft warm glow shining from her...I myself have sought comfort in those strong arms on several occasions, allowing the tears to flow, knowing that she would somehow take care of things, that everything would be ok, one way or another. She is an imposing force, my friend, and I have seen miracles happen around her.

I truly don't know what else to say about this amazing lady. Even though sometimes months pass without physical contact, we are still deeply connected, our friendship sits quietly and waits for us. Our children say that they cannot disassemble their childhood memories from each other, that our families are so entwined that we are a part of each other's histories. That to me is a beautiful testament to our friendship, and to this incredible lady..my dear friend..thank you, Benzaiten, for being there. I look forward to many more years of laughter, music, good books and chilled wine. I love you.

Cast of Characters: Introducing Athena

Once upon a time there was a scrawy, scared little girl who was starting at new school, a private Christian school where most everyone knew each other and had grown up together, but the little girl didn't know a single soul there. She put on a brave face yet inside she was terrified. Along came a strong, independent, kind, wonderful older girl who took this little one under her wing...and all was right with the world. The two of them were both only children with similar families, so they adopted each other as sisters. Nothing ever happened to the little girl that her best sister-friend couldn't handle and for the next 30+ years she did just that. They celebrated birthdays, weddings, baby's births and a multitude of happy times; they mourned deaths, divorces, break-ups and tragedies that only brought them closer together. The older girl once showed up at the little girls house carrying a baseball bat, ready and willing to take care of a man who dared to physically harm her little sister. She was a loyal friend, a fierce protector. Though months and sometimes years went by without them seeing each other, they both knew that the bond between them was unbreakable, and a simple call was all that was needed to bring the other one running. Oftentimes one would pick up the phone and call the other, somehow knowing that she was needed..and every single time she was correct. There was a knowing between them, an understanding..a connection that cannot be explained.

By now I'm sure you know, the little girl is me, and I am describing the relationship with my oldest friend, Athena. The warrior, the strong one, the one I lean on and can count on when no one else will do. Wise, level-headed & calm yet will rise up for a fight when needed and stop at nothing to protect those she loves. I spoke to her last night after a long absence and we did as we always do: we caught up, we shared stories, we comforted each other and laughed and listened and cared. And, speaking for myself, I hung up feeling more at peace than I have in a long time. Most importantly, I felt loved and cherished and protected.

Thank you, Athena, my dear friend. I love you.

Cast of Characters: Introducing Bambi

My youngest daughter has been the hardest to "name" here, there aren't any particular goddesses or characters that she's attached to and despite my nagging she hasn't been able to come up with anything. So I'm going to use what I'd originally decided upon, the nickname she was given when she was just days old: Bambi.

When Bambi was born she developed a very bad case of jaundice and had to be kept in the hospital for a week, spending hours under the UV lights, doctors threatening a blood transfusion if her bilirubin count didn't go down quickly. We were terrified, of course. I had a c-section and went home after a few days but we went back & forth every couple of hours to see her, and while I was home I was expressing breast milk for the nurses to give her at night. With 6-year old Kali and 17-month old Lily at home, and me recovering from major surgery, it was stressful to say the least. Thank the Goddess, Bambi didn't need a blood transfusion and we were finally able to take her home 6 days after she was born, on Father's Day. We brought her in the house and I kneeled down so that Lily could see her...at that point Lily took one look, petted her head and with the biggest smile on her face she said, "Hello, Bambi." Now, we have no idea why she called her this but it was just the sweetest moment, I've never forgotten it and have affectionately thought of her as Bambi ever since.

Bambi has always been calm and peaceful, the most gentle and sweet child ever. She is often quiet but make no mistake, there is tons going on in her head! She's a Gemini which makes her a bit unpredictable, you never know when the "other twin" is going to show her face! When she was a baby she had the amazing ability to calm me..I would just cuddle her into my arms and I would immediately relax with her little body curled up next to me. Honestly, a hug from her still has this affect. Incredibly smart, a talented artist, wonderful friend, the best daughter anyone could ask for, this is my youngest child.

She is an amazing soul, I've never met anyone else like her in my life. I am just incredibly blessed to have her, my sweet litle Bambi..my baby.. my little dear.

Cast of Characters: Part 4

Finally, a pseudonym has come to me for my middle daughter. Lily, aka Witch Baby, from the Francesca Lia Block books that we all love so dearly.

Lily is wild and free, outspoken and honest to a fault, beautiful despite, or because of, her black snarlball hair and purple tilty eyes. To say that she is unique is an understatement. When I asked her why she loves Lily so much she replied, "she sees what people run away from...she takes pictures of what they don't want to see." This is true. There is no hiding from this child. She demands honesty, challenges me to think the hardest, feel the most, uncover the dark places in myself and "deal with it." Every day she delights me even when I'm exasperated by her energy and spirit. From the moment she was born she has made an impact on the world, she is strong and passionate and I look on with wonder and awe at the woman she is becoming.

So there she is, my daughter, my middle-heart, my "Lily."

Cast of Characters: Part 3

Since neither of my youngest daughters have been inspired to choose a "character" for my blog (apparently the nasty business of school and work consumes them), I'll move along and come back to them later.

Ex-husband #1 and I share such a long, complicated history; it would take a novel-length post to tell our story! In a nutshell: he and Beren are best friends, have been for 35 years now. I dated Beren first, way back in the day when we were young and wild and a little bit crazy. When circumstances drove us apart, I had the good fortune to be "taken care of" by this amazing man who I went on to marry and create a child with. The marriage didn't last, but the friendship did, and it has only gotten stronger and deeper as we have co-parented and befriended each other through the years. He is a wonderful, passionate father who really opens his heart..a rare find in a man nowadays. He has been "with" me through thick and thin, the subsequent break-up of my second marriage and everything that lead up to it. Several years ago he gave me an amazing gift: he and Kali orchestrated a meeting between myself and Beren, the first time we'd laid eyes on each other in 20-something years. They had no idea what would happen, only that I still had feelings for Beren that I needed to explore further or put closure to. The rest is history, as they say, but I have the greatest admiration for this man who loved me, and his friend, enough to give us his blessing. When the rest of the world looked on in shock and disbelief at the situation, my ex-husband showed grace and dignity and acceptance. He was one of our few "cheerleaders," never losing hope that we would make it, that it would all work out. I can't speak for him, but I know that I feel completely loved by him in the most pure, sincere way, and I believe that Beren feels the same.

So, that's the condensed version of the story, and my introduction to Strider..a/ka/ Aragorn..ex-husband to me, best friend to Beren, father of Kali. He says that he chose Strider because he is heroic & chivilrous, and I think that describes him perfectly.

Cast of Characters Part 2

Since I wrote about these two women in my last post, I should probably describe them more completely.

"The story of the Celtic goddess Rhiannon reminds us of the healing power of humor, tears, and forgiveness. The goddess Rhiannon is a goddess of movement and change who remains steadfast, comforting us in times of crisis and of loss."

My best friend, Rhiannon, has known me for 24 years now..before babies, before divorces, when I was first married to Kali's father. I announced my pregnancy on the day of Rhiannon's wedding shower, and it was to her house I would go when I had terrible cravings (for lemons!) and wasn't able to get to the store to fulfill them. She has been my friend through the best of times, and the worst of times. She is one of the few people in the world who know my deepest darkest secrets, my faults and foibles, and love me anyway. During my 1st divorce she introduced me to the hot young "fling" who reminded me of how beautiful and special I was, truly a gift at that time in my life. I was the maid of honor at her 2nd wedding, and she at mine. During my 2nd divorce she sent me a greeting card every single day for weeks & weeks, and would call me incessantly to make sure I'd gotten out of bed, that I was taking care of myself, etc. She helped save me, truly she did, and for that I am eternally grateful. Though we have changed so much over the years, and there are times we don't always see eye to eye, our relatonship prevails. She is more than a friend..she is a sister to me, and I can't imagine my life without her.




Then there's my Mom, who was nicknamed "Sam" by someone years ago, and therefore she wanted to name me Samantha. (My grandmother stepped in and vetoed that, and the rest is history.) Though it had nothing to do with Samantha on Bewitched, I always identified the name with her so here goes. (Besides, "Sam" my Mom did her share of *bewitching* men and can still turn heads wherever she goes!) She is stronger than any woman I've ever met, has taught me everything I need to know about life, about love, about mothering..she made sure that I didn't settle, that I had high standards in everything, that I was always a lady (well, almost always) and that I knew how to fight for what I believe in. From her I got my fericious mothering and my independence, and on a lighter note, my insatiable love of shoes! When I was a teenager she was the "cool mom," driving around in her sexy Camaro, always trim, always stylish, always beautiful. She didn't look a thing like all the other Moms at the private Baptist school, let me tell you! She has always been there for me, no matter what messes I've gotten myself into. She's an incredible mom and grandma and I love her dearly.

So, there you go, two more of the phenomenal women in my life. I am so blessed!