Madeleine Peyroux - I'm All Right

I rented Madeleine's latest cd, Half the Perfect World, from the library months ago..I loved it sooooo much, renewed it for as long as the library would allow and then when my overdue fines racked up higher than the cost of the cd, I bought it. *blush* Well worth it, believe me! It hasn't left my cd player ever since, perfect music to cook to, dance to, dream to....

There are Those Days...

when you wake up in the morning, guzzle a quick cuppa, down your vitamins, shower and brush, paint your face and then you put on the shortest skirt, lowest neckline, dangliest earrings and highest heels that the corporate world allows. You leave your hair wild & crazy, squeeze some mousse through the damp strands and rush out the door. Donning your Jackie O glasses that make you feel like a movie star, you put the top down on your red convertible, turn up your favorite music and drive a bit faster than you normally would, throwing caution to the wind and taking chances that you might attract the attention of the local po-po and find yourself with a big ol' speeding ticket. You zip off to work, humming along, seemingly happy and carefree on this summer morning.

You do this because you know that this will surely be the highest point of your day, that it will definitely go downhill from here. You know that in a few short hours you'll be sitting in a sterile doctor's office with your ailing mother and terrified father, listening to words that you dreaded hearing, never thought you'd ever hear, certainly not at this stage in your life. You sit there, trying to smile, crossing and uncrossing your legs, pen poised above notepad, prepared to ask the all-important questions: "How bad is it?" "How long has she had it?" "How far has it spread?" "Where do we go from here?" and then..before you can ask the question that you hadn't even dared to utter, the doctor turns to you and says, "Will she die from this, I'm sure that's what you want to know, right?" And you gulp and feel the tears well up and the room is silent and you're afraid to even look at your mother who is of course the "she" that he's referring to...and then he says,"possibly, probably, but we don't know when." Then the kind doctor who doesn't pull any punches tells her that it's up to her now, that she can't give up, that she has to be strong..and then, I quote, "You have got to quit FUCKING SMOKING."

And there you have it..you gather up your things, shake the doctor's hand and leave with a pile of lab reports, phone numbers and a lone prescription that hopefully will alleviate some of the discomfort she is already feeling. You meet your children for lunch, guzzle a chardonnay, keep it light, force some laughter and try to ignore the giant elephant in the middle of the restaurant: CANCER.

You say goodbye to your family, jump back into your shiny red convertible and ignoring the fact that the sky is filled with black clouds and rain is eminent, you put down the top, hike up your skirt and sing at the top of your lungs while tears stream down behind those big black sunglasses. Because this is what you do...despite the horror of it all or perhaps because of it...you LIVE. That's all we can do, each and every damned day - JUST LIVE.

Happy Birthday, Daddy

Yesterday we celebrated Fathers Day with most of our blended family including Beren's girls, my dad, Kali's dad, and Kali's cousin who just arrived from NJ for the wedding.

We had a nice lunch at a favorite Italian restaurant, shared pizza and laughter, tried not to think about Mom's absence and the fact that she was not feeling well enough to attend.

Today is my Dad's birthday, yet instead of partying and blowing out candles we are going to be sitting in a doctor's office discussing Mom's condition. I am hoping that we leave there this afternoon with some good news, a bright spot so that my dad can enjoy his special day just a little bit.

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you.

Kali Kills Bill

Being a huge Tarantino fan, my wonderfully twisted daughter decided to do a Kill Bill theme for her bachelorette party..shaking head...what a hoot! Lily & Bambi wrote "Pussy Wagon" on the back of the cars that transported all of the gals out on the town. Mom and I joined the youngsters for a yummy sushi dinner at one of our local hot spots and then went on our merry way, allowing the rest of them to party on until the wee hours of the am. I daresay our bride-to-be might be feeling a tad hung over this morning but she had a fabulous time with her girlfriends!

A Fun Meme

I am puttering around this morning, happened upon this fabulous new-to-me blog, Farm Style by Clare. She did this amazing Meme so I decided to pour myself another cup of java and try it myself. A bit time-consuming but so worth it!



Go ahead…make your own! Here’s how:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.


1. What is your first name? Evelyn
2. What is your favorite food? lobster
3. What high school did you go to? McArthur
4. What is your favorite color? Candy Apple Red
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Richard Gere
6. Favorite drink? Chardonnay
7. Dream vacation? Paris
8. Favorite dessert? key lime pie
9. What you want to be when you grow up? loved
10. What do you love most in life? family
11. One Word to describe you. Passionate
12. Your flickr name. Rapunzel

Thank you to the following Flickr members:

1. Evelyn Nesbit, the first supermodel, 2. lobster, 3. Sunrise Over South Beach, 4. just cruising........, 5. Pretty woman, 6. Chardonnay!, 7. Paris, l'amour..., 8. Cupcake, 9. llibreria - bookstore - Amsterdam, 10. bless from above, 11. Sugar rain, 12. Aelse #9

Fun Friday

Kali is teaching full time at a children's art museum this summer, seems to be having a great time with the little ones. This week's theme is Narnia so they have been doing all things medieval. Since Friday is dress-up day where do you think she came for costume and hair braiding? *grin* Yep, this Mama was happy to have the opportunity to dress up my "little girl" once again!
Isn't she beautiful?!

Happy Birthday, Bambi!

With all of the other craziness in my life right now, I neglected to write about my little Bambi's birthday on Tuesday. My youngest sweetie turned 17, can't believe it, where does the time go?





We had a nice dinner at a really cool new place, Pei Wei Asian Diner. Since we have so many dietary issues in our family, folks in various stages of vegetarianism, this place was perfect for us!

Bambi hates the typical sweet sugary-icing birthday cakes so instead I got her a light yet luscious fruit torte from my favorite gourmet market. Yummy!

Update on Mom

I have avoided this post because somehow putting it here in writing makes it even more real, but I need to get it out there so here goes: My Mom indeed has cancer..in "various locations," and therefore inoperable. We are not sure the type or the definite origin but the surgeon who did the biopsy suspects that it started in the lung. At this point we are scrambling to make an appointment with an oncologist so that we can determine the course of treatment so once again we are in wait & see mode.

Mom seems to be doing ok at the moment, I think she is processing the news in her own quiet way. My dad and I are in pro-active mode because it helps to DO something instead of succumbing to feelings of powerless that threaten to overtake us. I'm researching, he's making phone calls, we are both trying to hold it together and stay strong, remain positive.

I ask again for your thoughts/prayers/healing energy as well as any and all information you may have on how to beat this horrible disease. We are willing to consider all options, both western medicine and alternative/holistic. Whatever it takes.

My dear friend Aisling asked if I would post a picture of my Mom so that she can visualize her in prayer so I'm including one above. As I said before, her name is Phyllis..I'm sure the God/dess recognizes her as one of earth's most precious angels...we just pray and plead that she stay with us a bit longer because we truly need her here on earth...ok God? Please?

Introducing Minerva

I did some more reflecting on my post about Girlfriends and realized that though I do deeply miss those old friends and sometimes long for the past and the connections we shared, I have indeed made some new friends who have enriched my "new life" in incredible ways.

I'd like to introduce one of these friends is one whom I'll call Minerva, the Roman goddess of many things including medicine, wisdom, and the inventor of music. I met Minerva a year ago at a little coffee shop where her brother, my workmate, was playing in a band. She was there with her family and new boyfriend, and throughout the course of the evening I learned that she, too, was recently divorced and had two young children. We immediately hit it off, I felt instantly connected to her and Beren felt the same about her beau. Well, over the course of the past year we've became quite close, "double dating" at band performances, barbeques, dinners, etc. Last weekend we even stayed at Minerva's condo on the beach about an hour from the Castle. We share similar histories, a passion for music, the beach, our families and our children. She is free-spirited yet also stable and strong, calm and dependable.

We always have a fabulous time together, our communication is free-flowing and effortless. She is truly a kind, caring, wonderful person and it makes perfect sense why she has chosen the profession she is in - Nursing.

So you see, in addition to Minerva being an amazing person and good friend, she has also become an invaluable resource during my mom's illness. It was she who recommended doctors for us, helped us understand tests and subsequent lab reports. She has been there for me, in her words "at 3 am if needed" and I can't tell you how much this is appreciated. She is a source of strength and truth and I know that I can get through this horrible time just a little bit easier with her by my side. I truly believe that she and her family were sent to me and mine at a time when we needed them the most..the Universe was looking out for me when she sent this goddess into my life last year, and I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, Minerva, my dear new friend. I love you.

Girlfriends

Yesterday I went to see the Sex and the City movie. Having been a huge fan, this was a long-awaited moment for me and I had once anticipated seeing it with a group of my girlfriends, on the very day it opened. Like so many other women across America, we'd dress up, have a Cosmo or two, head to the theatre as a group of giddy middle-aged SATC-wanna-bes. However, when the day actually arrived the occasion was quite different. Instead, I took Bambi on her birthday, to a matinee, both of us dressed in t-shirts and jeans. I didn't even wear heels, Carrie would be appalled. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy the experience; on the contrary, Bambi and I had a fabulous time sharing popcorn, laughter and tears. But..it was a far cry from the pictures below:







It was February 22, 2004. I was recently separated, had just reunited with Beren yet nothing official was happening as of yet. To celebrate the final episode of the show, I invited 4 of my close friends over for a little party. I filled treat bags with fun & sexy goodies, we drank and ate to our heart's content. We laughed and revealed secrets, had a fabulous just-us-girls evening, one I would never forget.

Now, I look back and realize how much my life has changed. Not just the divorce and blended family that comes along with, not just the job changes and lifestyle upheaval. But my girlfriends....of the four at my party I am painfully estranged from one, haven't spoken to another in several years. I remain close to the other two but due to circumstances beyond our control we don't spend nearly enough time together. An occasional lunch or quick cocktail hour is all we allow ourselves. It's not their faults, perhaps it's not mine..it just IS.

So when I viewed the movie yesterday, watched my favorite small-screen gals saunter and sway and laugh and love and drink on that big ol' screen, some of the tears I cried had nothing to do with the plot line. They were tears of sadness, of remorse, of loss..of longing for the times when my own girlfriends were a bigger part of my life, when we were closer and tighter, when we too shared secrets and tears and cosmos, comforted and celebrated each other on a regular basis. I miss that, I truly do. What can I do about it? Is there a way to recapture those friendships or can I build them again with new pals? I'm not sure, but it's definitely something worth pondering..perhaps over a crisp Cosmopolitan in a chilled glass....will that be for one or two?