Mom

Poking my head in to give an update on Mom and ask once again for healing thoughts/prayers/energy.

Last Saturday my Mother was admitted the hospital with a perforated colon, perhaps resulting from the chemo and radiation but we don't know for sure. The infection was so bad at that point, she was filled with fluid, the doctors advised us that she would only live for 3 days unless they did emergency surgery. Unfortunately in her weakened state there was a very high mortality rate with the surgery as well, so we had a decision to make: sit back and watch her die or take a risk and possibly lose her anyway. Well, as you might imagine, we took the chance, there simply was no other option.

Nearly a week later she is still in ICU but in stable condition though still on a ventilator and highly sedated. We have no idea how long the recovery will be or what the future holds, we are just trying to live each day and deal with the situations as they present itself.

Words can't begin to describe the hell my family has been through this past week, indeed the past 7 months since she was diagnosed with lung cancer. No one should have to endure this, absolutely no one.

All I can say is please, hold fast to your family and friends, give them extra hugs, let go of the stupid stuff we argue about. Just love them as best you know how each and every day because we truly do not know how long we'll have them in our lives.

Hiatus

After some soulsearching and much deliberation, I've decided to take a little hiatus from blogging. I have done this before and it's proven to be a good thing, I just need to focus on other areas of my life for a while, pursue other ventures, creative and otherwise. I'm not sure for how long, maybe indefinitely.

I'd love to keep in touch with all of you while I'm gone so please feel free to e-mail me.

Thank you, and Blessed Be..

Happiness Is...a Fabulous Holiday Weekend

Beren and I enjoyed a typical mid-January weekend in South Florida, taking advantage of the cool temperatures we rarely experience here. After coffee and conversation on the patio at home, we headed to the beach for a pizza & beer lunch..



proceeded to walk down the beach checking out all the vendors, picked up a birthday gift for a dear friend whose big day is approaching..then to a new-to-us beachfront organic market I'd been wanting to check out. Spending time with these gorgeous fruits & veggies inspired me to get back into the kitchen, and also to return to my mostly-vegetarian diet, but more about that later..



Has anyone eaten this vegetable before? It was so cool-looking, I had to have it!



Look at the size of those carrots!



I gathered up all the greens I could possibly hold..



and my adorable packmule toted the box home for me...



We then stopped at our favorite Sunday afternoon haunt, hung out with our biker friends while listening to live music and watching the "show." It's never a dull time with this crowd!


(Yes, that is a cockatoo!)

Thanks to MLK Day, the weekend's not over; we are now headed south to Homestead to visit a popular berry farm...stay tuned for more!

Secret Two: Honoring Your Inspirations

In the second chapter of 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, we are encouraged to look at what inspires our creativity, pay special attention to what we love, who we really are.

I really enjoyed reading the examples of other artist's creative processes, what encourages, inspires and delights them, but I found it difficult to answer that question for myself. At this point I'm not even sure where I want my own creative journey to end, much less what tools I need to get there! Do I still want to write or is there something else out there calling me?

One part of the chapter that really stuck out for me was about Inventing Creative Rituals. Ah, now we're talking! I love schedules, plans, organization...it makes me feel as if there is some order and control in an otherwise chaotic life. Implementing a Creative Ritual for myself, that is where I think I need to begin, that is the starting point for me. I love this quote from Chris Madden:

"I can't sit down and write or start on a new project nless my closets and my life are organized...in order to let go and create, I need to have organization around me. When I come back from being away, as I did this morning, the first thing I had to do was clean out the refrigerator and bake something wonderful. I think it's about reclaiming my space"

Yes, yes, yes! I know exactly how she feels! Perhaps this is the reason I've been so driven lately to get my house in order, tearing through closets, washing everything in sight, making my way to the bottom of the ironing basket, completing long-overdue projects - I need to clear a place for myself, for my creativity, I need to reclaim my space! Remember on my birthday when I set up a craft area for myself in the guest room? I was preparing for this moment! I haven't used it yet, but it's there, waiting for the moment when I'm ready to begin!

This is so exciting to me, to understand that even if I didn't consciously realize it, I was making room for myself all along. My soul knew what I needed, what I was craving, I just needed to listen.

For the next week I'm going to continue paying close attention to what sparks me, what makes me feel alive, brings me joy, opens my heart and mind. I'm going to work on a daily ritual to honor those things and help bring them more to light. This morning my inspiration comes from the view outside my patio, my favorite color all around me, fresh cup of coffee in my little chicken mug, cool breeze bringing the scent of lavender from my herb garden, birds singing, the softness of my new floral robe wrapped around my body..little things that delight me. Life is filled with such sweet, precious moments, we only need to stop and pay attention.

Tested by the Universe

The Goddess must have a wicked sense of humor because two days after I put my phrase-of-the-year out there I was tested. Not just silly little day to day life tests, either - oh, no, this was a big-bad-ass-in-your-face-whatcha-gonna-do-about-it-challenge involving two police officers, my middle daughter and the crazy ex-boyfriend of my eldest. All of them emotional, all of them angry, one of them to the point of near hysteria.

Without going into too much boring detail, suffice it to say that it was not a Good Night for any of us. However, Lily is safe and that's all that counts. The only decision I need to make now is whether or not to pursue this matter further or to Let it Go. I could take legal action against the persons responsible for causing the drama and hope that they receive some sort of punishment, but would that really accomplish anything? I fear that in doing so I'll open another can of worms, possibly bigger and uglier than what we're dealing with now.

So for the moment I'm going to write down the incident in detail as my friend Jersey suggested, encourage Lily to do the same, and put it safely away in a file. Away from my sight, away from the Peace I'm creating in 2009, far far away from the Beauty and Joy and Love that fills my Life, my Home. There is no room for anger here, not anymore. I'm going to sit, breathe and pray for us and for the other people involved and instead of sending hatred and anger toward them, I'm simply going to hope and wish that they, too, find Peace and Understanding and that they make better choices in the future.

For Now, I'm just going to Let it Go.

What do you think about that, Universe? Did I pass your test? I'm thinking I just might have earned an "A."

Wishcasting Wednesday

Jamie at Starshyne Productions posted this prompt today:

What do You Wish for Your Creativity?

Immediately came to my mind: Courage. Confidence.

Without the former I won't even begin a project, allowing fear to keep me in My Place, mired in my own insecurity and doubt.

Sans the latter I'll just quit, believing the inner demons that taunt me, whispering in my ear that I'm not Good Enough, so why even bother?

If you'd like to join in the Wishcasting, please pop over to Jamie's blog and join in. There is great power in wishing together.

Phrase of the Year: Let it Go

Daily OM ~ Letting Go

There is tremendous freedom in letting go. It is liberation to free ourselves of things that clutter our lives; too many possessions, useless emotions, unhealthy habits, old beliefs, even people that drain our energy. All of these things and more can weigh us down. Every once in awhile it's good to "clean out our closets" literally and figuratively.

Like pruning dead branches or like a snake shedding an old skin, we need to let go of the what no longer serves or what no longer fits, so that there is room for something new, alive, and what is needed at this time in our lives. Yet, we are a possessive society. We often hold on to things, feelings, and relationships out of habit or, many times, out of fear of being without. For so much of learning to let go is about learning to trust. We have to be able to trust that, indeed, new branches will grow, that there is a new skin under the old one. And yet, to the degree that we are willing to let go, we are able to receive. When we stop holding on and clinging to anything, we realize we have everything.

For in reality, we really own nothing. Certainly, we don't own people. Our spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, children are not really "ours." Even if we own the title to our house or car, such possessions can be gone in a moment, taken by a natural disaster, an accident, or financial circumstances. Native Americans could not grasp the European concept of "owning" land, anymore than one can own the sky. For everything belongs to the universe, as even we do. When we allow ourselves to rethink our sense of "ownership," it is easier to let go. We no longer need to feel burdened by the responsibility of having to hold on to something. Rethink the value of a prized book collection, a coveted job, and feelings for an old flame. Perhaps it isn't necessary to physically get rid of something, but letting go of the power that a person, ideology, or material object possesses is truly freeing.

For a couple of years now I've chosen a phrase, a mantra, for the New Year, something to define and guide me through the next 365 days. Sometimes the decision is easy, sometimes not so much, depending upon events from the prior year and possible upcoming situations.

It's now the 13th day of the month and I'm just now solidifying my decision, mostly because even though the Universe has whispered, nudged and finally screamed these words at me I have fought it tooth and nail.

"Let It Go."

You see, as a self-proclaimed control freak with a tendency toward neurosis and anxiety, letting go is not one of my strong points! However, I have come to the realization that stubbornly holding on to negative thoughts, emotions, even memories is causing me an inordinate amount of pain and I simply can't do this anymore. I must learn to give some of my perceived power and control, open my hands and heart and turn those things over to the Universe.

It isn't going to be an easy task for me and I will undoubtedly fail at times, but I must do this for my own health and wellbeing as well as for those around me.

Wish me luck...

The First Secret of Highly Creative Women

"We need to remember that we are all created creative and can invent new scenarios as frequently as they are needed" ~ Maya Angelou
Secret One: Acknowledging Your Creative Self

I am participating in Jamie Ridler's blogging book group on Gail McMeekin's book, "The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women." I am supposed to read the chapter and post each Friday starting Jan 9th but, alas, some life events got in the way and that didn't happen. While this particular occasion warranted the delay (my daughter's car accident took precedence of course!), it makes me wonder just how many times I allowed life, others, to stand in the way of my own creative process.

As a child and young adult, I was a passionate reader and writer. My goal, my dream, was to be an author and, frankly, back then I had the talent for it. There is a certain confidence in knowing that one is better than most at something, anything, and for me that was writing. No matter what else I failed at..sports, relationships, etc...I could always write. Somewhere along the way I put aside that passion and my talent as well as my soul has suffered for it. I lost my confidence, my belief in myself, eventually choosing to see myself through the eyes of those who put me down and considered me "less than." They didn't see the passionate creative woman trying so desperately to hold onto herself, didn't understand that even though I was no longer writing, not even "working" by society's standards, I was still expressing myself as best I could in other, less obvious ways. Instead of the written word I practiced the fine art of homemaking, of craft, baking and cooking, all done with love for my family and friends, and all done with great passion.

My life changed 5 years ago when my marriage ended, I no longer had the time or inclination to whip up fancy dinners and desserts, had no desire for crafts and for a while my house did not feel like a home. Now, however, I'm in a much different, much better place..my children are grown and leaving the nest one by one, I have found true love with someone who sees the best & beautiful in me, so once again I turn inward to the long-neglected places in my soul that have been patiently waiting to be tended.

So, with the help of this book and this group, I look forward to rediscovering my inner artist, in whatever form she chooses to reveal herself. Rapunzel, come out and play!

On My Hearth: Cannellini Parmesan Casserole

Cannellini Parmesan Casserole

2 T. olive oil
1 c. chopped onion
2 t. minced garlic
1 t. dried oregano leaves
1/4 t. black pepper
2 cans (14.5 oz each) onion and garlic flavored diced tomatoes, undrained
1 jar (14 oz) roasted red peppers, drained and cut into 1/2" squares
2 cans (19 oz each or so) white cannellini or great northern beans, rinsed and drained
1 t. dried or 1 T. fresh basil chopped
3/4 cup (3 oz) grated Parmesan cheese

1. Heat oil in Dutch oven over medium heat until hot. Add onion, garlic, oregano and black pepper; cook and stir 5 minutes or until onion is tender.
2. Increase heat to high. Add tomatoes with juice and red peppers; cover and bring to a boil.
3. Reduce heat to medium. Stir in beans; cover and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in basil and sprinkle with cheese.

6 servings

Monday Menu Planning

Well, the holidays are over, it's the New Year which means getting back on track in several areas including meal planning. I've requested that my kids and Beren give me a weekly update on their work schedules, outside activities, etc. so that I can plan more family meals together. I hope this works because, honestly, I was getting frustrated and annoyed after preparing big meals week after week only to have them come home and announce, "oh, gee, didn't know you cooked, I just ate Taco Bell." Grrr! I enjoy cooking for other people, sitting down and dining together whenever possible, so this just wasn't working for me. Also, if I know that Lily will be home a certain night I can serve vegetarian fare and serve the chicken for another day of the week! We'll see how the new regime goes.

Meatless Monday ~ Cannellini Parmesan Casserole
Take-Out Tuesday ~ Pizza Night
Weight Watchin' Wednesday ~ Hearty Lentil Stew
Thrifty Thursday ~ Clean Out Refrigerator Night
Fishy Friday ~ Baked white fish with Onions, Peppers, Olives, and Feta
Social Saturday ~ Dinner Out
Slow Mo' Sunday ~ Kathy's Delicious Slow Cooker Chicken

On My Hearth: Last-Minute Ravioli

Surely not the healthiest of dish to start out the New Year, but ravioli was on sale at my grocery store and I still have leftover mozzarella and sauce from Christmas, making this a frugal and easy dinner! Besides, the official holiday season isn't over until January 6th, right? That means we can indulge for a few more days! Enjoy!

Last-Minute Ravioli
from Real Simple magazine

Hands-on time: 15 minutes - Total Time: 55 minutes - Serves 6

Using cheese ravioli allows you to skip the time-consuming process of boiling the lasagna noodles and mixing the cheese filling. Simply layer, bake, and serve.

1 24- to 26-ounce jar marinara sauce
2 20-ounce packages refrigerated large cheese ravioli
1 10-ounce box frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed of excess liquid
2 cups shredded mozzarella (8 ounces)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan (2 ounces)

Heat oven to 375. Spoon a thin layer of sauce on the bottom of a 9-by-13-inch baking dish.

On top of the sauce, layer a third of the ravioli, half the spinach, half the mozzarella, and a third of the sauce; repeat. Top with the remaining third of the ravioli and sauce. Sprinkle with the Parmesan.

Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes. Uncover and bake until bubbling, 5 to 10 minutes.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all! I hope everyone's 2009 is off to a good start. We had a quiet New Years Eve, just a few friends & family members over to the Castle for snacks & drinks. Today is a new day, time to reflect on the past year and make the obligatory resolutions or the next one. I make most of my affirmations during my birthday or Samhain, but now is a good time to reaffirm and re-dedicate.

On my hearth will be the traditional good luck Hoppin John, but I'll be serving this without the ham to please the vegetarians, of course.

Hoppin John

1 cup dried black-eyed peas, sorted and rinsed
1 vegetable bouillon cube
1 medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
1 smoked ham hock
2 bundles of fresh collard greens, washed and chopped
1 tablespoon red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 14-ounce can of chopped tomatoes, drained
5 cups of water (or as much needed to cover other ingredients)
1 cup long-grain white rice, uncooked
Salt and pepper

Put the peas in a stock pot, cover with water and bring to a boil. Boil 2 minutes, then reduce heat and simmer one hour. Drain. If using bacon in place of ham hock, fry the pieces first and drain on paper towels to remove excess fat. Dissolve bouillon cube in a small amount of hot water and mix well. Place all ingredients in slow cooker, except rice, and turn to high for five hours. Stir in rice and cook one more hour. Alternatively, rice can be cooked separately and served with peas. Remove meat from bone and return meat only to pot. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve hot with corn bread.