Sobering Experience

As I touched on before, we got a call late Sunday afternoon, Beren's Grandma was not doing well, they flew in his uncle and cousin from Ohio, did not expect her to live much longer. We hopped in the car and headed to Sebring.

What we found was not what we expected; Grandma looked no worse than she did earlier in the week when he saw her, perhaps just more frail because she isn't eating very much. Other than a hip injury, there is nothing life-threatening at this point, nor does she suffer from Alzheimers, etc. that would cause her death. She was still coherant, communicative, engaged...not what you'd expect from a woman who was supposedly on death's doorstep. She remembered me, whom she'd met only once, and she responded properly to questions Beren asked her. Though she was supposedly refusing to eat, within minutes Beren had her sipping soup and promising to eat her breakfast this morning. She may be tired, and at 94 years old she's allowed to be! But dying n the next couple of days? I don't think so. She is, however, angry and upset and wants to get out of the center where has been placed. Well, who could blame her? Despite the fact that this place appears to be a good one, nurses and aides are very caring and attentive, it is not a home. She's not in her own bed, her own house, with her things, her creature comforts. I am trying hard not to judge here, because I am not in their situation, do not have to make those decisions about my own parents and hope I never do. However, there is something terribly, terribly wrong with a society that allows it's elders to be treated this way. She is lying in a bed alone; at best a family member visits her for an hour a day. There are no flowers, no cards, no music, not even a tv. She is lying there waiting to die. And, honestly, one gets the feeling that for some family members, it just can't happen soon enough. That's the brutal truth, much as it sickens me to say it. She has overstayed her welcome here on this earth, she is simply too much trouble now, and there is collective foot tapping from folks impatiently waiting for her to move on.

I came home sad and anxious, could not help but think of myself in that situation. I can only hope that I have enough money to die in my own home, to afford whatever care necessary to make that happen.

I hope to God that I never live longer than people care about me.