A Samhain Feast

Last night I gathered round my family for an early Samhain dinner and ritual, thought this year more than ever we needed to connect to the spirit world and to each other.
While I had planned a more formal ritual, my girls thought it a bit intense so I'll save it to do by myself this evening.

I was so fortunate that all of my daughters were available for dinner, also joining us was Bambi's beau who had never taken part in our Sabbat celebrations before. Poor dear, he ended up sitting right next to the table setting reserved for the spirits who were invited to visit..grin...he was a bit unnerved but handled it quite well! At the end he thanked me graciously for including him so that he could learn about a new culture. You are quite welcome, dear boy, I trust that you'll be back for the next one.

Because I planned this little event at the last minute, the menu was not quite as extensive as I would've liked, but everything came together quite nicely and everyone enjoyed the simple feast. (I believe Kevin had three servings of soup!)



After we stuffed ourselves on Four Cheese Potato Soup (I promise there were no spiders in there!) served in a Bread Bowl, wine, ale, we headed out to the patio for the spiritual part of the evening.

Because this is the Witches New Year, we consider it a time of deep reflection, an occasion to put aside the "ghosts" from the past year. With this in mind, I had everyone write down on paper those things that were haunting them from the past year, problems and issues, whatever they wanted to be free of for the coming year. I was pleased at how seriously everyone took this task, how much thought they put into what they scribbled on their bits of paper. When we were all done, we headed out to the chiminea where Beren had a roaring fire going already. In turn each of us stood before the flames, read each script and shared aloud what was written, if we chose to. Keeping it private was of course an option, the important part was the intent. Once read, we tossed those "ghosts" into the fire, never to be seen again. I closed the ritual with a "So mote it be" and we continued on with dessert! Frozen Pumpkin Pie was especially tasty eaten poolside, a tiny nip in the air, candles flickering all around.

A lovely early Samhain celebration, I am so ready for the New Year!

Blessed Be,

I Know You're Strong

Pablo Picasso: Crazy Woman With Cats, originally uploaded by unbearable lightness.

About 5 years ago I was going through some very rough times; my 16 year marriage was ending, my eldest daughter was heading off to college, the big 4-0 was right around the corner..my life was in turmoil and I didn't know what my future held. The picket fence was falling down all around me, I was totally overwhelmed. So, when the kids went off to school each morning I would crawl back into bed and take comfort in the darkness. I'd lie there, alternating between sleeping and crying, for hours. Friends would call and invite me to lunch, I'd beg off. All I wanted to do was lie there in the cool white sheets and escape. I felt completely alone, shut everyone out..well, almost everyone. There were two souls who would not be ignored, refused to abandon me no matter how much I wanted that solitude. These two black four-footed friends climbed into bed with me every morning and stayed there. They cuddled and purred, watched over me and kept me company during some of the darkest moments of my life. I am eternally grateful to those little angels for the part they had in saving me, for cheering me up when everything seemed hopeless, for bringing the pieces of ribbon and little mouse toys into bed, making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry.

Of course, you know that I got through that terrible time, and am a stronger, wiser woman as a result. My life is so much better now, full of passion and love. I've never forgotten the friends who helped me through those days, though, both two-legged and four. So when Kali introduced me to this song a couple years ago, I embraced it as my very own theme song for that time of my life.



I'm not sure if there really is a cat named Virtue or if the a member of the Weakerthans had an experience such as mine, but the lyrics ring so true, I just have to share them here.

So, thank you again, Salem and Jezebel..thank you for believing that I was strong, and for being there with me until I figured it out myself.

Rest in Peace, Salem

April 1, 1998 - October 28, 2008
Goodbye, my feline familiar. You were a wonderful companion, one of the best friends I ever had. You were there for me through good times and bad, I'm not sure what I'm going to do without you purring there beside me each night.









I love you, Salem, Rest in Peace.

Happiness Is....a Wonderful Weekend

*a festive Pirate Pumpkin ala Beren


*Beren's company picnic spent at a lovely outdoor venue; even though I hate seeing animals in captivity I must say that this place was very well-maintained.

*soothing the PMS beast with a small indulgence; these were truly the best oatmeal cookies I've ever made!

*the scent of French bread wafting through the kitchen (I cheated and let my borrowed (thanks, Mom!) bread machine do the work this time.


*Friday afternoon kitchen witchery - lavender-rosemary soap and bath salts with fresh herbs from my garden (these will be Yule gifts so I'm not sharing pics of the finished product..shh...!)


*fresh flowers on my nightstand (thank you, Beren!)


*reconnecting with high school girlfriends I haven't seen in 26 years! (you know what? We're still hotties!)


*a beautiful 18 year old daughter who announced on Saturday that she's still moving out..but not quite so far away. (to hell with Orlando, she says! Yippee!)

The Pull of the Moon

"I am fifty years old. The time of losses is upon me. Maybe that's it. I don't know. I saw Kotex in the drugstore the other day and began to weep. Then I saw a mother with a very little girl, helping her pick out crayons, and this, too, undid me. I had to leave without buying what I came for. I drove home and I thought about Ruthie standing next to me as I lay on the couch one day. She was two and a half, holding Legos in the basket of her hands. I had a mild case of the flu; I was mostly just exhausted. And Ruthie dropped the Legos on me and used my chest to build a small city and I was perfectly happy. I think I even knew it. It was that Chines thing, that when your mind is in your heart, you are happy.

You know, Martin, when Ruthie was a freshman in high school, I was driving home from the grocery store one day and listening to the radio and I all of a sudden realized that in flour years she would be gone. And I felt like screaming. Not because I have nothing else in my life. Just because she would be gone. I pulled over and I wept so hard the car was shaking, and then I repaired my makeup in the rearview mirror, and then I cam home and made dinner and I never said a thing about it, although maybe I should have. Maybe I should have started telling you then. I was afraid,, I thinnk, that you would say, "Well, she'll visit," and the feeling would have been all of my eggs being walked on by boots."
~ Elizabeth Berg, Pull of the Moon

Yesterday I was driving home from work and I passed by a house on the corner which was completely decorated for Halloween. Bats and witches hanging from the rafters, pumpkins on the front porch, spider webs on the windows, the whole deal. It was lovely, and I smiled to myself thinking that young children must live there, that this is what I did when my girls were small. I thought about how they'd come home from school on an autumn afternoon when the temperature was finally dropping, we'd open the windows and let the breeze blow through the skeleton garland I'd hung from the curtains. Eat homemade cookies, discuss our Halloween costumes, plan when we'd go buy our pumpkins. Would they still pass out little cups of free cider at the farmer's market? How many squashes and how big? It was our favorite time of year, my girls and I, and we relished every moment of it. Suddenly, remembering all of this, an incredible feeling of melancholy overtook me and I found myself doing just what Elizabeth describes above - weeping, sobbing, overtaken with emotion, mourning the loss of those sweet days, those precious moments shared with my babies. They are grown now, I am losing them one by one..and please, please don't say the thing that Martin would, I know that they will visit, of course they will. But it is not the same, we all know that. They will no longer live under my roof, safe & sound where I can see them every day, wake up with them each morning. No more impromptu shopping trips, midnight chats or afternoon movies. It changes, once they move out, it just does. And, no, I do not cry because I don't have anything else in my life because I do. I have a partner and job and friends and hobbies...but they are not what define me, what completes me. What has always given me the most satisfaction, the most joy, has always been my role as a Mother. I need to feel needed, to nurture and caretake. Without that, I ask the cliche middle-of-life question: Who am I?

I feel so lost, without direction, bereft and confused and disappointed and scared. It is normal & natural, of course, this progression. Children do what they must: they grow up, they leave the nest, and life goes on! But why all of them at once? Lily is leaving for college in December, Brynna will follow in the summer. Kali and Kevin have taken up residence further away, though not a long drive it's one which requires a bit of forethought, they are no longer a stone's throw away. One by one they go, off to live their lives and though I celebrate them, am so proud of the strong independent young women they have become..I still weep..and I still want to hold onto those apron strings so tightly, and I still beseech the Universe, "But what about me? What do I do now?"

Ah, I am sure that part of this emotional upheaval is due to my approaching moontime, but I do not dismiss it as such. I know that much wisdom is revealed at this time of the month, and that if I listen very closely the goddess will answer my pleas for help, for direction. I'll be ok, I know I will, but at the moment the aching is so great, the longing for them so deep..I want to put up the silly skeletons, throw open the windows and perhaps if I close my eyes and wish really hard along with the autumn breeze will be the sound of little girl giggles filling my house once again...just for a day, can't I have those moments back? Please?

Frugal Cooking

In order to save a few dollars, I've been making sandwiches and packing everyone's lunch for the past week. You see, even though my girls are nearly grown and quite capable of doing this for themselves, they tend to wake up late and/or forget most days so they either 1) don't eat at all or 2) spend money on fast food. If I make their lunches, I can be assured that they're getting a decent meal and not wasting their hard-earned dollars on garbage. Beren often works through lunch and "forgets" to eat (can you imagine?) so he'll be famished (and grumpy) when he gets home.

So, I've been packing lunches to avoid those issues. And honestly, I don't mind! I just assemble everything after dinner when cleaning up the kitchen so that in the morning everyone's little lunch bags are lined up in the fridge, ready to grab & go.

The only thing is, 4 sandwiches a day uses up a lot of bread! And good bread is not cheap. I was discussing this with my friend Jersey who makes her own bread, inquired about how cost effective that really is. She did the math for me (I do accounting all day..groan...) and reported that it costs her about $1.00 a loaf make her own French bread. Hmm...comparing that to the $4.00 per loaf at the bakery, I say she's ahead of the game! So, I took matters into my own hands this morning and whipped up a couple loaves of my own.



With the help of my handy dandy Kitchen-Aid it really wasn't difficult, just a bit time-consuming, but well worth it to see these beauties cooling on my counter! And the taste..mm...heavenly! Mine aren't as pretty as Jersey's, will have to work on that, but I'm rather proud of them anyway!



While the dough was rising I set about making tonight's dinner. I didn't really feel like the pasta I'd previously planned, and since red & yellow bell peppers were on sale this week, I decided to make stuffed peppers in the crockpot. No real recipe involved here, just used up bits of leftovers from fridge and freezer, but the process went something like this:

Mix together about 1/2 a bag of veggie crumbles, a cup of so of cooked brown rice, about 1/2 jar of salsa, 1/2 a package of taco seasoning, a few bits of tomato, and a hunk of cheddar cheese, shredded. Stuff the peppers, pour a bit of water in the bottom of the cooker, arrange peppers inside and replace their little caps. Turn on low and voila! Fiesta Stuffed Peppers! Before serving I'll add a few more sprinkles of cheese on top...mmm...they smell so good, I can't wait for dinner tonight!

Monday Menu Planning

(1948) How to Use & Enjoy Your New Frigidaire Electric Range pg 31, originally uploaded by The Apron Queen.

Beren and I went to a wonderful new-to-us farmer's market yesterday, got some great bargains on fresh fruit, veggies, cheese and bread, all beautiful and super-fresh! I'm hoping to avoid a big shopping trip this week, trying to eat from the freezer and pantry once again.


Meatless Monday - Zucchini Casserole
Take-Out Tuesday - No take-out today, instead it'll be leftovers or soup & sandwiches
Weight Watchin' Wednesday - Pasta with Broccoli Rabe
Thrifty Thursday - Cheeseburger Macaroni
Fishy Friday - Stuffed Sole (love this stuff!) and Potatoes Au Gratin
Slow Mo' Saturday - Slow Cooker Shepherds Pie
Social Sunday - Steak and Twice Baked Ranch Potatoes

On My Hearth: Zesty Slow Cooker Chicken Barbecue

A slight variation to the weekly menu as I have a package of plain boneless chicken breasts that I need to cook. This simple crockpot recipe will be perfect today, especially with the original author's option of serving over potatoes since they happened to be on sale this week. I cut down on the fat & calories even further by using fat-free Italian dressing.

P.S. This meal was a HUGE hit at my house! We had impromptu dinner guests, was a quick and easy dish to serve poolside while enjoying the lovely weather. Everyone raved about it, will definitely make it again.


* Exported from MasterCook *

Zesty Slow Cooker Chicken Barbecue

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 6 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories :

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
12 ounces barbecue sauce
1/2 cup Italian salad dressing
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

Place chicken in a slow cooker. In a bowl, mix the barbeque sauce, Italian salad dressing, brown sugar, and Worcestershire sauce. Pour over the chicken.

Cover, and cook 3 to 4 hours on High or 6 to 8 hours on Low.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Per Serving (excluding unknown items): 291 Calories; 12g Fat (37.6% calories from fat); 28g Protein; 16g Carbohydrate; 1g Dietary Fiber; 68mg Cholesterol; 744mg Sodium. Exchanges: 4 Lean Meat; 0 Fruit; 2 Fat; 1 Other Carbohydrates.


Nutr. Assoc. : 0 0 0 0 0

Budgeting...Time and Money

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about budgets, haven't we all? The economic situation is disconcerting at the least, terrifying for some, and the constant news reports do nothing to assuage my fears. What impact this recession will have on my long term financial picture is unclear but it is certainly having an affect on my day to day life. Everything costs more, from groceries to gas to my lawn service. I'm over-budget nearly every month so I've had to sit down and do some major tweaking. There are some things that I can't or won't do without - the aforementioned lawn service for one, certain beauty treatments another. (much as I embrace my witchy side, I am unwilling to go totally gray just yet). I can't control my car payment or mortgage, have already canceled optional phone features and reduced other utility bills as much as possible. So, that leaves only a couple of areas that I can affect: food and entertainment.

With that in mind, I've been examining how I spend my money which segued into another, perhaps bigger issue: where I spend my time. Discussing it with my friend Jersey, we agreed that we are both making a more conscious effort to spend both more productively, and with more attention to the impact on our heart & mind as well as body. So, I've made some decisions about where to put my dollars as well as the 24 hours I'm given in each day. When I'm spending each mindfully, I find that I make different choices, ones that feed my soul and fill more than just my belly.

For instance, instead of tossing $8.00 on fast food, how about a beautiful bouquet of flowers?

$4.00 on a fancy coffee or a fresh new magazine?

$25.00 for the latest gadget or a nice pampering pedicure?

$40.00 for a chain restaurant meal or homemade dinner at home with family & friends?

How about an hour of mindless tv vs a mind-enriching new novel?

2 hours surfing the internet or a long walk on the beach?

You get the idea, it goes on & on & on...the point is, I am trying to live my life more mindfully, spending my hard-earned dollars and gift of time where they matter most instead of tossing them aside. Because contrary to what I might have once thought, there truly is a limit to each.

Worry

Needless Fear
Worry

We have all had the experience of worrying about something at some point in our lives. Some of us have a habitual tendency to worry, and all of us have known someone who is a chronic worrier. Worry is an extension of fear and can be a very draining experience. In order for worry to exist, we have to imagine that something bad might happen. What we are worrying about has not happened yet, however, so this bad thing is by definition a fantasy. Understood this way, worry is a self-created state of needless fear. Still, most of us worry.

One reason we worry is because we feel like we're not in control. For example, you might worry about your loved ones driving home in bad weather. There is nothing you can do to guarantee their safe passage, but you worry until you find out they have reached their destination unharmed. In this instance, worry is an attempt to feel useful and in control. However, worrying does nothing to ensure a positive outcome and it has an unpleasant effect on your body, mind, and spirit. The good news is that there are ways to transform this kind of worry so that it has a healing effect. Just as worry uses the imagination, so does the antidote to worry. Next time you find that you are worrying, imagine the best result instead of anticipating the worst outcome. Visualize your loved ones' path bathed in white light and clearly see in your mind's eye their safe arrival. Imagine angels or guides watching over them as they make their way home. Generate peace and well-being instead of nervousness and unease within yourself.

Another reason we worry is that something that we know is pending but are avoiding is nagging us-an unpaid parking ticket, an upcoming test, an issue with a friend. In these cases, acknowledging that we are worried and taking action is the best solution. If you can confront the situation and own your power to change it, you'll have no reason to worry.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a worrier. As a child, I would make myself sick with worry, and the habit continued into adulthood. I've tried therapy, medication, church, self-help groups, hypnosis, you name it..anything to stop the constant voice of doom booming through my brain. Some things helped a bit, others not so much, but I've learned to turn down the anxiety to a manageable level - most of the time. However, when life gets unusually hectic or there's big changes on the horizon, I easily slip back into my anxious mode and allow the worry to consume me. Now is one of those times. I was up and down all night with random thoughts running through my head, and when I was able to slip into a fitful sleep I was then overcome with ugly, frightening dreams.

Suffice it to say I'm not in the best frame of mind this morning, so I'm doing a bit of pondering and soul searching, reaching for the tried & true tools that worked in the past when I found myself in this state.

First, I made a list of the issues that are causing me the most grief, and I'll share them here along with any possible action I can take to rectify the situation:

Mom's Health. This one is a biggie, and what I worried about most as a little girl. She was often sick and in the hospital (illnesses unrelated to what she's going through now) and I was terrified of losing her, just as I am today. What can I do? Absolutely nothing. She's getting the best medical care possible and the only thing for me to do is continue to stay positive and spend as much time with her as possible.

Beren's children. This is first and foremost in my mind as we they were visiting us over the weekend so the issues were able to rear their ugly heads. I'm tired of spending two days nervous and strained, uncomfortable in my own home. What can I do? Well, we have had numerous talks with them in an attempt to make things better but at this point we've hit a wall. Other than therapy which they are not receptive to, I fear that I'm at a loss. The only action I can take right now is to continue to care for them and be open to discussion/change when they are ready. I have to take a step back from the situation and untangle myself from the emotions just a bit; the situation is taking a toll on me physically at this point and I have got to stop that before it gets worse.

Lily's Possible Move. She's been talking about this for some time, has made two road trips to check out the town & college she's considering. Though I realize that it's a normal, natural progression - kids go away to school, I truly don't think she's prepared for it, not emotionally or financially. This is no reflection on her, we all think we are invincible and immortal at 18, but I am terrified for her nonetheless. What can I do? Probably not much. I've laid out my concerns, have clearly told her how much money she can count on from me, the rest is up to her. All I can do is love her and support her as best I can while feeling strongly that this particular decision is a mistake. Letting go is the hardest thing, it really is.

Money. I'm not alone in this, every day I hear friends and acquaintances bemoan the economy, worrying about what they are going to do if it doesn't pick up. In 6 months or so I'm going to lose a chunk of monthly income and need to prepare for that, but there are too many unknown variables for me to make a concrete decision at this point. So, what to do? Tweak the budget more, watch our expenses, tighten our belts, and hope for the best.

My Weight. If I were completely honest I'd put this closer to the top of the list because it truly affects nearly every other aspect of my life. Worry = emotional eating = weight gain = low self-esteem = more emotional eating. Stuff the feelings down because there's apparently not a damned thing I can do to rectify any of the above issues so I might as well console myself with cake, right? What can I do? This is perhaps the hardest one of all because I actually can do something proactive and positive yet it's so f-ing hard! I need to eat healthier and exercise. Period. Starting today, starting now, no matter what else. I must, absolutely must start taking better care of myself or I'm going to add my own ill health to this list of worries.

So, that's where my head is this morning. I am actually at home today, have some things to take care of that prohibit me from going in to the office, so I have time to think (not worry) some more and make a plan of action.

If anyone has thoughts or suggestions I am wide open for them.

Thank you, and Blessings...

Monday Menu Planning

Since my freezer and pantry are well-stocked at the moment, I'll be cooking with that in mind this week, using up what I have. We had a great time on our little road trip but even mini-vacations do tend to strain the budget, don't they?

Monday ~ Potato-Leek Soup
Tuesday ~ Black Bean, Corn and Turkey Chili
Wednesday ~ Stuffed Sole with Scallops and Crab Meat
Thursday ~ Bacon-Wrapped Top Sirloin
Friday ~ Artichoke Tilapia & Fried Shrimp
Saturday ~ Chicken Breasts, Roasted Garlic with White Wine
Sunday ~ Baked Ziti (mozzarella, ricotta and pasta were on sale this week)

Camping

I'm pleased to announce that my Mom is feeling much better since her return from the hospital; her energy is up and the side affects from the chemo are under control! To celebrate that, she and Dad have loaded up the RV and gone "camping" for the weekend. They're staying a few miles down the road, close enough to return home if she starts to feel ill but just far enough to give that "vacation" feel. I'm so happy for them, they really enjoy RV travel and obviously haven't been able to partake in that pleasure for some months now.

So, my whole family is going to join in the fun this afternoon; we are all meeting them at the park for a big cookout! In addition to the usual bbq fare I'll be bringing some cool desserts for a special treat.

I was in the mood for pie so I made two! The first is to appeal to mom's love of strawberries and the 2nd is for the Mojito-lovers in the crowd. Mmmm!!! They are both in the freezer right now, will let you know how they turn out but from an initial taste test I am fairly confident that they'll be a success!

Happiness Is.....

*Friday night with family & friends; Kali, Kevin & Strider joined us at a local pub to watch one of my favorite bands perform. The lead singer is a dear friend of mine & Beren's, love to listen to him sing!



*Saturday morning breakfast on the beach; a little hair of the dog in the form of a Bloody Mary was just what the doctor ordered!





*watching a local Boot Camp class, intrigued but not feeling at all motivated to join them! The instructor did provide some nice..scenery..though..*wink*...



*relaxing at home for a bit and then tossing together a little meal of Penne Arrabbiata. So easy you don't need a recipe, just brown some onion & garlic, add a can of diced tomatoes (fire roasted are best), chili pepper flakes, sea salt & parsley to taste, pour over cooked Penne (I had leftover in the fridge), top with Parmesan and enjoy!



*After the busy few days we've had, I welcome the pouring rain outside; what perfect weather for an afternoon curled up on the couch...ahh....

Sweet Getaway

Beren and I just returned from a 36-hour whirlwind trip to Key West, am totally exhausted yet completely satiated. The original purpose of said adventure was to see the phenomenal Candye Kane in concert at one of our favorite bars, and once again I'm happy to report that Ms. Kane was everything we expected and more! Due to her recent medical difficulties she was smaller in size than the last time we saw her, but her voice and spirit are bigger than life!

In addition to the phenomenal show at the Parrot, we also had a wonderful time strolling around the island, shopping and eating and drinking to our hearts and bellies content. I wish I could share some pictures with you but, alas, I left my camera at home and the ones taken on my cell phone aren't worthy of uploading. Next time, though, next time...for now I'm going to rest and recuperate from my little tropical getaway, starting of with a tiny little nap afternoon nap...zzzzz.....

Ah-Choo!

1946 Campbell's Soup Ad, originally uploaded by Rick Rack Attack!.

Beren came home with a sore throat and the beginnings of a cold yesterday so, being the thoughtful girlfriend that I am, I immediately went into caretaking mode. I poured the oj, delivered tissues and the remote control before donning my apron heading to the kitchen, ready to whip up a batch of homemade chicken soup. And then, I remembered....when My Man is sick, he doesn't appreciate my fresh & delicious cooking, he only wants two things: canned chicken soup and grilled cheese. Ewww! So instead of cutting carrots & celery and de-boning chicken today I'll be opening a can and tossing cheese onto slices of white bread. Sigh.

Not exactly the type of nursing I imagined but..hmm....perhaps I can come up with
something else to make him feel better?

On My Hearth: Penne with Zucchini and Parmesan

I did a bit of tweaking on this recipe; since Beren doesn't enjoy zucchini as much as the rest of us I kept a serving plain for him to add his own sauce to. I also used Smart Balance instead of butter to save a bit on fat & calories. The result is a delicious & creamy dish that made perfect use of the zucchini we bought at the market on Saturday!



* Exported from MasterCook *

Penne with Zucchini and Parmesan

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 4 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Main Dish

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
1/2 pound Penne, Mostaccioli, or other medium pasta shape -- uncooked
1 pound medium zucchini
2 tablespoons smart Balance Spread
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 large clove garlic -- minced
1/4 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes -- or to taste
2/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese


Cook pasta according to package directions. While pasta is cooking, grate zucchini.

Heat butter and oil together in large skillet until mixture begins to bubble. Add grated zucchini and cook about 3 minutes. Add garlic and cook 1 more minute, stirring constantly. Stir in hot pepper flakes and 2/3 cup of grated Parmesan cheese. Heat 1 minute more.

When pasta is done, drain well. Toss skillet mixture with pasta. Top with additional Parmesan, if desired.

Source:
"National Pasta Association"
S(Internet address):
"http://ilovepasta.org/"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Per Serving (excluding unknown items): 332 Calories; 10g Fat (27.5% calories from fat); 14g Protein; 46g Carbohydrate; 3g Dietary Fiber; 10mg Cholesterol; 263mg Sodium. Exchanges: 3 Grain(Starch); 1 Lean Meat; 1/2 Vegetable; 1 Fat.

Decisions

~Old Man's Cave, Hocking Hills, Ohio ~ October 1998

Regardless Of Outcome - There Are No Wrong Decisions

Many of us have a hard time making decisions. We fear that if we choose the wrong partner, then we'll be stuck in an unhappy relationship. Or, if we make the wrong financial decision, we'll make a bad investment. Yet, there are no wrong decisions. Perhaps we could, at times, make different choices regarding our relationships, personal pursuits, careers, or the right color of paint we should buy for our bedroom. Yet, regardless of the outcome, we always gain valuable experience or insights from any choice we make.

Making a decision is always better than making no decision at all. At least we had the courage to decide, take a chance, and make a move in a particular direction. We can't take action unless we make a decision first. And, a decision is never wrong because we always gain something from it - whether we get what we thought we intended or learn a valuable lesson. Sometimes, we need to follow through on a decision to realize that we don't really want what we thought we did.

For instance, maybe you always wanted to live in a big city, so you leave family, friends, and a secure job in a small town to move across the country. However, once you get there, you find out that you don't really like city life. You never could have known that unless you tried it. So, you move back home, all the more appreciative of small town living. Rather than constantly wondering what else is out there, you are now able to fully embrace your surroundings and the direction your life there is taking. Your decision to move to the city did work out - just not in the way that you envisioned. While our decisions may not always lead us to what we thought we wanted, we always end up with what will ultimately make us happiest. Being able to make decisions is one of life's privileges. Exercise your right to fearlessly decide. ~Daily Om

I had a fitful night's sleep, awoke feeling down and out of sorts without knowing exactly why. A bit of soul searching delivered the answer: its about choices, decisions, mine and those of others close to me.

You see, right now two of my daughters are in a bit of turmoil, big decisions looming before them. Both are forced to make difficult choices - one between two loves, the other between love and education. Lily wants to move about 3 hours away and attend college there, experience life on her own, but she'll leave her family and her boyfriend behind. Bambi is pouring over college brochures as well, trying to find the best fit for her while also being torn between two boys whom she loves equally, yet in different ways; one is exciting and fresh and new, the other a warm comfortable soul mate. Both girls are muddling through, thinking long and hard about what to do, and I believe have come to a decision..but it's hard, so hard. The "what ifs" tend to take over, rule our minds and hearts, cause sleepless nights and restless days.

As their mother, I am supposed to have wisdom to share, life experience to impart. And yet, I have never found myself in those exact situations. And if I did, I would surely have opted for safety. I've lived most of my life in fear, choosing the safe route, the merry go round instead of the roller coaster. I got married instead of going to college, took jobs that were convenient and easy instead of pursuing my life's work. The only areas where I took leaps were in my romantic life, and then only after much hand wringing and self-analysis, hours of conversation with friends and therapists.

And now, I too have some thinking to do, find myself in a position of change once again. I won't elaborate much yet but if the economy does not make a positive turn I may be making a big move within the year, may be forced to move out of my beloved castle to another town, away from family and friends. It's not definite, is in fact a last resort but it may become a reality and this chills me to the bone. I don't do well with change, I say it time & time again, especially when it comes to stability, or the lack thereof. I have lived here for 40 years, and I am not ready to take on a new address, not ready to give up what is safe and comfortable to me. Not now, not yet..I just want a bit more time to recover from the divorce and subsequent lifestyle changes, ok?

So you see, I am not qualified to help my girls with these choices, I am not equipped with the skills to lead them into college life. I can only sit by and watch, listen, support as best I can but oh, how helpless I feel! And how disappointed in myself that there's not more I can do. I feel as if I'm watching them grow up and leave the nest before they are truly ready, that I didn't teach them to fly properly on their own. I am terrified of the outcome of their decision; oh, I know on some level that the Daily Om is true, there are no "wrong" choices..Lily will succeed on this new venture or she will come back home and try something new. Bambi will survive this romantic drama and go on to love again, and again...yet it is heartwrenching as a mother to sit and watch, knowing that I must let them do these things on their own, I can not decide for them. I must let them fly even when all I want to do is lead them back to the next, tuck them in amongst the comforts of home and keep them here under my watch and protection. Just a little bit longer, please....