Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Just for Fun: High School Spirit Meme


To lighten things up a bit on this dreary Tuesday afternoon, I'm tagging myself on this fun little High School Spirit Meme my friend Grace posted at her blog.

1. Who was your best friend? I had two of them: Lisa S and Lisa G.

2. Did you play any sports? No.

3. What kind of car did you drive? 1974 Ford Maverick, painted chocolate brown

4. It’s Friday night. Where were you? working or out with friends

5. Were you a party animal? I wasn't big on parties

6. Were you considered a flirt? Every chance I got ;-)

7. Were you in the band, orchestra or choir? No

8. Were you a nerd? Not sure, I wasn't in the smart kid crowd but I was in Newspaper which was sort've geeky

9. Were you ever suspended or expelled? Never

10. Can you sing the fight song? No

11. Who was your favorite teacher? My English Teacher, but for the life of me I can't remember her name!

12. What was your school mascot? Mustangs

13. Did you go to the Prom? Yes

14. If you could go back, would you? No way *shudder*

15. What do you remember most about graduation? taking pictures afterward, that's it

16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day? don't remember, not sure if I skipped!

17. Did you have a job your senior year? Yes I worked full time at Service Merchandise, went to school in the a.m. and worked from 1 pm to 9 pm. I ran the computer system for the store!

18. Where did you go most often for lunch? home

19. Have you gained weight since then? sadly, about 50 pounds

20. What did you do after graduation? out to dinner with my parents and my boyfriend who later became my husband

21. What year did you graduate? 1982

22. Who was your Senior Prom Date? The man who later became my husband

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion? Nope, and none of the others since then. Anyone I wanted to see from high school I am still in contact with.

Sobering Experience



As I touched on before, we got a call late Sunday afternoon, Beren's Grandma was not doing well, they flew in his uncle and cousin from Ohio, did not expect her to live much longer. We hopped in the car and headed to Sebring.

What we found was not what we expected; Grandma looked no worse than she did earlier in the week when he saw her, perhaps just more frail because she isn't eating very much. Other than a hip injury, there is nothing life-threatening at this point, nor does she suffer from Alzheimers, etc. that would cause her death. She was still coherant, communicative, engaged...not what you'd expect from a woman who was supposedly on death's doorstep. She remembered me, whom she'd met only once, and she responded properly to questions Beren asked her. Though she was supposedly refusing to eat, within minutes Beren had her sipping soup and promising to eat her breakfast this morning. She may be tired, and at 94 years old she's allowed to be! But dying n the next couple of days? I don't think so. She is, however, angry and upset and wants to get out of the center where has been placed. Well, who could blame her? Despite the fact that this place appears to be a good one, nurses and aides are very caring and attentive, it is not a home. She's not in her own bed, her own house, with her things, her creature comforts. I am trying hard not to judge here, because I am not in their situation, do not have to make those decisions about my own parents and hope I never do. However, there is something terribly, terribly wrong with a society that allows it's elders to be treated this way. She is lying in a bed alone; at best a family member visits her for an hour a day. There are no flowers, no cards, no music, not even a tv. She is lying there waiting to die. And, honestly, one gets the feeling that for some family members, it just can't happen soon enough. That's the brutal truth, much as it sickens me to say it. She has overstayed her welcome here on this earth, she is simply too much trouble now, and there is collective foot tapping from folks impatiently waiting for her to move on.

I came home sad and anxious, could not help but think of myself in that situation. I can only hope that I have enough money to die in my own home, to afford whatever care necessary to make that happen.

I hope to God that I never live longer than people care about me.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Today's Inspiration

I don't want to write a whole lot about this right now, but my horoscope and today's Daily OM really hit home for me. Good stuff to ponder.

Daily Om
July 30, 2007

Wanting To Join
Dumbing Ourselves Down

The ability to go into any social situation and sense the level of consciousness in that situation is a gift. It enables us to move considerately in a world that holds people of all levels of awareness. However, there is a difference between shifting our energy to accommodate people and dumbing ourselves down to a regrettable degree. Sometimes, when we get into a particular social situation, we may feel pressure to play it small in order to fit in. Perhaps everyone is drinking or smoking excessively, engaging in gossipy small talk, or complaining bitterly about politics. It is one thing to notice this and modify our expectations and another thing entirely to join in.

When we notice where people are coming from and acknowledge to ourselves that their energy is not in alignment with ours, we have several choices as to how to proceed. One viable option is to quietly endure the situation, keeping to ourselves until it is time to leave. In this way, we take care of our own consciousness and protect our growth process. Another option is to interact in a way that honors and pays respect to the people in the group, while gently attempting to shift the level of consciousness with our input. In order to do this, we must maintain our own vibration, which means that joining in by dumbing down is not an option.

When we choose to dumb ourselves down to fit in, we not only sell ourselves short but we also lose a possible opportunity to influence the situation for the good of all concerned. Our desire to join in may come from our natural yearning to feel connected to the people around us. There is no shame in this, but being able to stand on our own, separate from the crowd, is a powerful milestone on any spiritual path. It can be difficult in the moment, but when we arrive on the other side, our integrity intact, we may find ourselves feeling positively smart.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Sad News...

Beren's grandma is in bad shape, probably only has a few more days on this earth. We are heading to Sebring to see her right now, hopefully he will get to spend a bit of time with her before she passes. Please send good thoughts/energy/prayers that she goes peacefully if that is what the God/Goddess wants for her. She says she has already spoken to God and that she is ready to go, I only hope that she finds comfort in the afterlife and that her travel there is peaceful.

Just Ducky

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Since Beren and Mike got the other two red adirondack chairs put together, I figured it was time to take some more backyard pics! The landscaping is still not 100% complete and we still need to buy tables, but it's good enough for now. Besides, the red cooler is a decent stand-in. I'm so excited by the progress, it's on the way to becoming the tropical paradise of my dreams!
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Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

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What a fun-filled weekend we've had so far! Candye Thursday night, Bad Idea Friday night (love those guys!), then a birthday party with Excess last night! (We got there so late, because we got a just a little bit lost. Why oh why are men so opposed to asking for directions?) Of course there was also the Friday night visit with My Mermaid, wish I could've seen her Medusa side dancing last night but we just couldn't make it to either show. Next time I will be there with bells on.

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(Above is me with my lovely Princess friend, Cinderella. She's so much fun to be with, just love her voluptuous self!)

Whew! I am tired but have had a wonderful weekend so far. Friends keep asking me how I keep up with these late nights, out & about as much as Beren and I are. Well, I guess because I spent my 20's and 30's raising babies, I'm ready to party now in my 40's! I have the perfect mix of work/play/family right now, am just living life to the fullest while I'm young enough to do so. I can't remember the last weekend that we didn't go out to see a band, we really are so lucky to have great live music right at our doorstep. And, yeah, it's pretty cool to know the bandmembers as well. (I'm such a groupie!)

Yesterday we just hung out at the pool all day long, today looks to be the same. Beren and Mike are going to grill some chicken and I'm planning a nice long float in the pool. Ahh...some beauty rest is definitely in order for this partying princess!

Friday, July 27, 2007

I Want Candye!

We had such a wonderful time last night! Candye was everything that I'd imagined, and then some. She just opens her mouth and the most amazing voice comes out, it appears effortless!
The blues club was fantastic, too - red & animal print & pin-ups, who could ask for anything more? (I threatened Beren to decorate my whole house like that, he just smiles and shakes his head.)

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I wish I could re-live the whole thing over again, but alas, all I have is her autographed cd to comfort me. *sigh* Until next time, Candye, just til next time....

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Pampered from My Head to My Toes...


and everything in between! *wink* It's amazing what a pedicure and some good lovin' will do to a girl's spirit! I pampered myself with a pedicure yesterday, was lounging on the patio sipping wine and admiring my own toes when Beren walked in the door. I was so happy to see him, you'd think he'd been gone a week! We went out for a little while, had a couple of drinks and watched our friend play acoustic guitar at a local bar, then came home and took a little dip in the pool. The rest of the evening ended as nicely as it began, and I woke up with a huge smile on my face.

Today I completed the pampering by having my fingernails done, car cleaned & gassed up, am all ready to take Bettie to meet Candye! I'm so excited, like a kid in a Candye store. Ha!

Now Showing in the Kingdom: Candye Kane!

Finally, tonight I get to see the fabulous Ms. Candye Kane!! Ever since the horrible hurricane season of '05 destroyed my last chance to see her, I have been waiting for her to return to My Town and finally here she is! Whoo-hoo!

Wish you all could be here with me, if by chance you find yourself in The Kingdom, join me! Just look for the corset-wearing brunette guzzling chardonnay, pressed up against the stage singing Work What You Got at the top of her lungs...yep, that'll be me. (Silke, I know how much you love Candye! You'll definitely be with me there in spirit..or hop on a plane, you'll be here in plenty of time. *wink*)





P.S.Sorry I couldn't find a better video of her, but Youtube didn't have any good ones so this is the best I could do.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Self-Acceptance


Ya'll are just going to have to bear with me for the next few days (weeks?) as I process some feelings and deal with these issues. Again, I'm sorry if I'm a bit of a downer, I'll try to snap out of this but it does help to write it all out, and to get other perspectives.

Ok, so last night I was venting to a good friend, telling her how I was lonely, restless, etc., all the stuff I write here. Knowing me as well as she does, she listened and nodded and then asked me, But WHY are you like that? I don't know, something snapped in me and I got angry..not at her per se, but at the question. I replied that after 16 years of off & on therapy, endless self-help books, spiritual guidance..blah..blah..blah...I probably know why I am a certain way, but I hadn't changed every part of me and damn it! I am not going to! I am nearly 43 years old and it's unlikely that the very core parts of me are going to take major turnarounds. This is who I am, and you know what? Despite the imperfections, I am ok! I'm a good person, a good friend, loving mom and partner, work hard, play hard, care for my family & friends and the community. Isn't that good enough? Sure, I'd like to be a thinner, wiser, better citizen..etc..etc..but I am not going to spend another penny on therapy or another moment making myself sick over this stuff. I've never been one to hide behind a towel at the beach or wear big clothes to camoflauge my size, and I don't hide my personality anymore either. Maybe I'm too much, too loud, too excited, too theatrical..I've been called all of those things..but that's part of my charm, part of what makes me ME! And that is certainly freakin' good enough! MORE than enough as a matter of fact.

Today I was sharing some of this with Kali and I told her this: I am 43 years old, I have spent countless years trying to be a good girl, do the right thing, work on myself, blah..blah..blah...at this point, F**K the self-improvement! I'm done with all of that, now I just want to have some fun and enjoy whatever life has to offer! Enough of the self-improvement, how about some self-acceptance?! Kali listened and got quiet and I got nervous and then she said the most wonderful words you could ever hear from your child: I am so proud of you. What more could I possibly want? I love you, Kali.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Venus in Retrograde


With several of my friends having major relationship "issues," I had to take a peek at the planets and see what's going on. Hmm...very interesting indeed!

From Astrology.com:


This is definitely a year of retrogrades! On July 27, 2007, Venus reaches her station at 2° Virgo 56', in preparation for a period of retrograde motion that will last until September 8, 2007, when she turns direct at 16° Leo 36'. The effects of the retrograde period will continue to be felt until October 11, when she returns to the 3rd degree of Virgo, where she first made her station (this is called the "Shadow Period"). Sensual Venus turns retrograde only once every eighteen months, but this year she turns in conjunction with stern Saturn, a conjunction that extends from the beginning of July to the middle of October (at which point Mercury is retrograde again, Saturn has moved into Virgo and Mars is slowing in in Cancer, preparing for his biennial retro phase).

Over these weeks even the most casual interactions tend to become fraught with seriousness, intended or not. Female relationships, partnership and other alliance, and joint ventures of any kind fit this pattern. Older or more mature people seem especially interesting. More structure and seriousness imposed on relationships can mean more stability and commitment. Artistic endeavours should become more focused and organized, though originality and imagination can suffer from the tendency to stick to tradition or whatever methods or patterns you know best. This is not the best time for beauty treatments, cosmetic surgery, or redecorating projects. Social gestures and diplomacy are likely to be self-serving.

What does Venus affect?

In general, Venus, the goddess of love, rules feelings and emotion, aesthetics and tastes, fashions and all forms of desire, money and wealth. Venus rules social attitudes and behaviour, along with aesthetic tastes and inclinations. Venus symbolises female relationships and social interactions at every level. Venus indicates our values. She governs romance, marriage and other partnerships, capacity for humour, and the pursuit of pleasure.

During a retrograde period the things Venus influences will be less apparent, or be of less concern to the world. Visual sensibilities are reduced. People dress with less flair and our colour sense tends to be muted. This is not the time to purchase clothes or jewellery, change one's make-up or hairstyle. Redecorating or refurbishing homes or business should also be avoided, though there is no reason why decisions that have been made earlier should not be allowed to come to fruition during this period.

With Venus retrograde, the pace of relationships slows down and this is not the best time to get married or give big parties. Since Venus rules diplomacy, slowdowns in all sorts of negotiations can be expected, including industrial disputes, legal issues and diplomatic endeavours.

It is a time when we are called upon to go back and take care of unfinished business. Often we are forced to deal with deep feelings that have their origins in past events. They are activated on an inner level but are often difficult to express to ourselves or others while Venus is retrograde.
Venus Retrograde in Virgo

When Venus is retrograde, everyone's emotional state is more introspective and we tend to react emotionally to the issues and concerns that relate to the sign involved. With Venus retrograde in Virgo, people with this sign prominent in their charts will be especially prone to such introspection. There is little choice but to reconsider our personal feelings and relationships. There is, however, an opportunity to gain insight into one's own mode of relating, whether sexually, creatively, or financially.

Virgo signifies connections with the sick, so this period especially affects nurses, dietitians and therapists. It also affects those who have detailed involvement with financial and creative areas, such as accountants, managers and agents. Relations with fellow workers and employees are subject to undue criticism and you may be somewhat inhibited when it comes to establishing social or sexual relationships. Secret emotional unions and strange experiences are stimulated. Relationships in the military may become strained.

Although Venus turns retrograde in Virgo, she does so in the early degrees and soon retrogrades into Leo. When Venus moves back into Leo on August 9, 2007, deep feelings can be awakened, especially for those who have Fixed Signs strong in their charts. Fixed Signs are Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius and Taurus. Creative projects tend to be stifled and a tendency emerges for exaggeration. Dramatics are likely in mannerisms, dress, or some aspect of the personality. Control any inclination to be cold and cruel. This position can bring back problems, so chiropractors, be ready!

A watchful observer will get a clear insight into body language. Pay attention to the subtleties of human interactions, as the knowledge gleaned can be valuable. People will be attracted if you display an aura of self-possession and control. You can turn the tables on the past. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that you will change a failure into a success, but if you keep your wits about you, you can gain something equally valuable to make up for it.

Treasure Map

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After my fork in the road post, I did some more soulsearching, some conversing and commiserating with good friends, and then had a long heart-to-heart with Beren. I believe that part of my problem is that I have allowed myself to slip back into doormat/housefrau mode, letting the passionate lively lioness step to the side once again. Not good. Old habits are hard to break, especially those which get us the results we think we want; in my case that would be adoration and attention. But one must be careful how we achieve those desires, and while I don't want to be the Evil Stepmother I am certainly not Cinderella! As I wrote my Minxy friend, I have been feeling like Rapunzel trapped in her tower, desperately seeking a way out, when instead I should be lolling about enjoying my lovely castle. I have been in this frustrated, restless state before, I have escaped it's chains and I can do so again. While I still have no idea which way to turn, am still standing in the road shuffling my feet, I at least have a vision of where I want to end up, and that is a very good thing indeed.

So, I'm not sure if I'm feeling ineffective today, perhaps more so yesterday before I spent the time needed to figure some things out. Today I have a plan, a mission, am spreading out the map and planning my next step. I'm excited, and nervous, and a little bit scared, but whatever is "out there" is surely better than being trapped in the tower of frustration and anxiety. There are hidden treasures to be found, passions to unearth, roads to explore, but outside and within myself.

Here. I. Go. Wish me Luck!

July 24, 2007
Feeling Ineffective
Leo Daily Horoscope
Today may find you troubled that your efforts are not productive, leaving you feeling ineffective. You may experience a sense of being stuck in one place, with little hope of moving forward. This is likely a matter of timing and an opportunity for preparation rather than anything else, so don’t let yourself become discouraged. Just as time is needed after a seed is planted before it makes its appearance above the ground, sometimes our efforts need time and nurturing before they can blossom. In the meantime you can prepare in advance for the harvest, learning all you can and gathering tools to be ready when the time is right. Though it may feel as if there is no forward momentum today, it is merely an illusion to allow you needed time.

This may also be a chance to evaluate your work and the results so far. You may find that the same work in a different atmosphere created better results than your current situation. Such insight may offer you the opportunity to choose a place better suited to your temperament and personality. Maybe while waiting you can seek new situations or brainstorm for the ideal set of circumstances, thereby calling them into being. This may also be a time of rest and reflection to allow you to step back and see your journey from another perspective. Today by accepting this pause as a gift, you will be able to make the most of it and move forward when the time is right, armed with greater understanding.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Today's Horoscope: Self-Motivated Initiative

July 22, 2007
Self-Motivated Initiative
Leo Daily Horoscope

You may feel self-motivated and energized to initiate new projects today. Since you have confidence in your projects and a sense of self-assurance, you are able to be assertive with your partners and convince them to support you with what you will need. Your impetus sets wheels in motion so that from this point on there is a momentum and flow toward completion. This flow can carry you forward, even on days when you don’t feel this same level of motivation. By harnessing the flow of the universe in this way, you may feel like a riverboat with a paddle wheel, utilizing the river’s currents in combination with your own forward motion to reach your destination. Today you can allow your energy to both initiate and motivate the creation of new projects.

This sense of being energized is the universe’s way of telling you that the time has come. Previously you may have found yourself in a period of planning and visualization, perhaps followed by a time of waiting, but now you know that it is time to act. By acting, you move the ideas that existed only in your head, and were perhaps committed to paper or computer, into the real world to be made manifest. As others join you in the vision and the action, more energy is directed into creation. Nothing can begin without that initial action, however. That is where your energy directs you today, and you are filled with the desire to follow.



This is very true as today we are continuing to work on the pool/garden area, plan to relocate some plants, get my Pentas in the ground and then head to World Market to pick up my new RED adirondack chairs! I am so excited! The castle grounds are really shaping up, can't wait to see the end result.

The Pool Area Before



The Pool Area During






The pool area After? Stay tuned!

On My Hearth: Pride of Erin Soup



This is probably going to end up on tomorrow's hearth since today is already looking to be a pool/bbq day such as yesterday, but I want to post the recipe now while I'm thinking about it.

Continuing on with our own little "veggie adventure," we have decided to skip the letters H, I, and J because there simply weren't enough vegetable choices for those alphabets. So we are moving on to Kale for K, which happens to be one of my favorites! I know, it's not soup season but so what? I'll turn down the newly-repaired a/c, put some Celtic music on the cd player and pretend that it's Springtime in Ireland! *wink* We are actually going to watch one of my all-time favorite movies while we dine, The Secret of Roan Inish. If you haven't seen this little gem, do yourselves a favor and rent it! Lovely, lovely movie with the most breathtaking scenery! Very kid-friendly but be forewarned, the accents are thick and it's sometimes difficult to understand the dialogue. No matter, though, you can understand the plot enough by just watching. Prepare to be charmed.


I'm going to serve this along with my ex-mother-in-law's Irish Soda bread recipe. Hers is not very different than many of the soda bread recipes out there, it just has special meaning to me and the only one I'll ever bake. She's a lovely lady, a real Irish gal, and even 20 years after our divorce I absolutely adore her. Above is a picture of Herself and Beren, taken at Strider's wedding last weekend. (yes, he's madly in love with her as well, and who could blame him?)

We will also, of course, be sipping some hearty stout, wouldn't be an Irish feast without it now, would it?

From A Veggie Venture, of course!

PRIDE of ERIN SOUP

Hands-on time: 25 minutes
Time to table: 60 minutes
Makes 6 cups

COMBINE in a LARGE BOWL, COVER, LET REST 5 MINUTES, DRAIN.
Boiling water to cover
16 ounces chopped cabbage (I used a bag for coleslaw with bits of carrot)
1 medium potato, skin on, diced (confession: I had no potatoes, used the potatoes from a can, yes, a can of stew vegetables, they worked fine!)
2 cups chopped kale or other leafy green (I also added a cabbage sprout)

HEAT JUST TO BOILING IN THE MICROWAVE
2 1/2 cups chicken broth
2 1/2 cups skim milk

SEE DETAIL
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 teaspoon caraway (delightful with cabbage, the inspiring recipe called for 1/2 teaspoon mace)
1 large onion, diced
2 tablespoons flour

DETAIL: In a large pot or Dutch oven, melt the butter with the caraway. Add the onion and let soften, stirring often. Stir in the flour, let cook 1 minute. Stir in the drained cabbage mixture and stir well to blend. Add the hot liquid. Adjust heat to maintain a slow simmer (this took several adjustments, you don't want the milky mixture to boil) and cook til cabbage is cooked, about 20 minutes. Do a few spurts with an immersion blender, creating a creamy base but leaving texture and chunks.

TRANSFER TO BOWLS & GARNISH
2 tablespoons chopped chive (for garnish)
Bits of a stinky cheese (for garnish)

NUTRITION ESTIMATE
Per Serving: 171 Cal (15% from Fat, 21% from Protein, 64% from Carb); 9 g Protein; 3 g Tot Fat; 2 g Sat Fat; 29 g Carb; 4 g Fiber; NetCarb25; 238 mg Calcium; 2 mg Iron; 343 mg Sodium; 8 mg Cholesterol; Weight Watchers 3 points

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT'S DUE
Adapted from Bon Appetit June 1995

Summer Parties


This summer our house has become "the place to hang out," our family & friends know that they're always welcome to drop by for a drink, a meal, a dip in the pool. The bar's always open and the barbecue grill ready to be fired up at a moment's notice. We've even hosted a 50th birthday party here, complete with a live band, with only 24 hours notice!



Yesterday was a good example of the impromptu gatherings of this summer; Mike came by around lunchtime, presented me with two dozen roses (what a sweetie!),hopped into his swim trunks and splashed in the pool with Beren's girls, I threw together some sides and a salad while Beren cooked Bubba and Boca burgers on the grill. We were just finishing up when Kali and Kevin stopped over on their way home from their first ocean dive (yikes!), brought along Lucy the Wonder Dog. We all ate and drank and had a wonderful time, and then the storms rolled in. Lightning crashed, thunder rumbled, causing us all to flee for the patio where the drinking and eating continued for a few more hours. The light show was beautiful, company was wonderful, life was good. The "party" broke up around 6 pm when the weather improved enough to allow safe driving, everyone tired and happy. I myself collapsed around 9 pm, but am up early this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready for the next round of revelry!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Today's Inspiration: The Mermaid




I just read this poem on my friend Lesley's blog, just had to share. It makes me want to run to the beach and dive into the sea..hmm..that just might not be a bad idea, if only I wasn't stuck at home waiting for the a/c repairman. Did I mention that I've been sitting in an 85 degree house since yesterday afternoon? Grrrr..Anyway, on to more pleasant things..mermaid poems and the lovely mermaid I am going to visit tonight.

The Mermaid

She must just have left the sea.
Her hair and lips
Smelled of the sea till the morning.
Her rising and falling breast was like the sea.

I knew she was poor -
But you can't talk of poverty all the time.
Gently, next to my ear
She sang songs of love.

Who knows what she has learned and experienced
In her life fighting the sea.
Patching fish nets, casting fish nets, gathering fish nets,
To remind me of spiny fish
Her hands touched my hands.

That night I saw, I saw it in her eyes;
How lovely the sea has risen in the open sea.
Her hair taught me about waves;
I tossed and tossed around dreams.

Orhan Veli

Fork in the Road


My birthday is one month from today, I will be 43 years old. For most of my adult life I have considered the day of my birth to be the real "new year" and eschew resolutions on January 1st, choosing instead to make the majority of my affirmations on August 20th. It's a time of soul searching and reflection, so forgive me dear friends if my blog for the coming weeks is a bit more introspective and less cheerful. I promise that I won't allow it to get too morose, ok?

For today, I am still sitting in the dark corners, tending to my wounds and attempting to figure out exactly what is bothering me so deeply. I have discovered that I am lonely, and that I am restless, and I am longing for something I can’t identify. What scares me is that these feelings are oh-too-familiar and they do not go away easily and usually do not have a positive affect on my relationships. At least, not in the short term. I find that instead of becoming less “needy,” for lack of a better word, I am becoming more so as I age. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time to do, to see, to experience, to feel everything that I want to do/see/feel! Combine that with the continuing responsibilities of motherhood and chronic lack of funds to pursue my heart’s desires and I am left with this frustration and, eventually, overwhelming sadness. Leo that I am, I am finding my mantra as of late to be More, more, more! But more of..what? Living as I am with a man who is very much in business mode Monday through Friday, whose only desire after a long day at the office is for a quick meal and the remote control, I cannot, and should not, look to him to fulfill me, I know this. I know that he is not responsible for my happiness yet he does the best he can when he is able to give me the attention I crave: Friday evening through Monday morning. I told him that I am like a plant that doesn’t get watered all week long, just barely hangs on, withering day by day, leaves curled, soil bone dry..and then on Friday someone dumps a gallon of water on me. I spring up and bloom to my fullest gorgeous self only for the whole process to start again on Monday. Oh, he gives me the obligatory attention during the week, don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I’m completely ignored, but his mind is certainly not there, it’s in Mathland, he is in workmode. It is who he is, and I knew this when we started out, and I understand that..yet, it's lonely.

The kids..well, I think I am just reacting to the fact that they truly no longer want me around. They “need” me for food/shelter/clothing, but that’s about it at this point. For the most part they are physically on their own, involved in work & school & friends, cringe at the idea of spending time with their Mom. Emotionally they are separated as well, sharing only the minute details of their lives with me and gracing their friends with the rest. I know this is normal, I know this is healthy, but it hurts so badly that I can’t breathe sometimes. I relied so much on my girls for entertainment, for socialization, even for friendship to the degree that one can be friends with their children. And now, I am lost. I am bereft, truly I am. I am aware of the fact that I need to do something about this, branch out, find other interests, fill the void with other people/places/things…but I find myself paralyzed and unsure of which way to turn. I am literally sitting in the middle of the road, knowing that once again I’m called to explore a different path, yet I have no map and no idea of which way to turn. Yet turn I must, I must venture down the new road and see where it takes me. I don’t have to leave my current life behind; on the contrary, my partner and family and friends and job are all wonderful! But perhaps right now they are not enough. Yes, I will pack them in my suitcase and load them into the back of my red convertible, venture down the road with them by my side, but I’m also taking along a new set of luggage..empty…waiting to be filled with new treasures, new experiences, new friends I may meet along the way. I will meet them, won't I? I won't be left alone on the side of the road still begging for more, more, more...right?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Today's Horoscope: Withdrawing Into Solitude

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Yeah, this pretty much sums it up. I'll be back.

Withdrawing Into Solitude

Leo Daily Horoscope

Situations may leave you feeling distressed today and could cause you to withdraw into yourself. You may feel that being alone can help you sort out your troubles and find ways to face them. This is a natural and beneficial response, because by going within yourself, you can find the tools you need. There in your center, you can connect to the energy and wisdom of the universe. While resting and soaking up the energy, you clear the way to be open to the knowledge that is available to you. In every challenge there is a gift for us, if we are willing to seek it. By going within you access the treasure map that can guide you through the obstacles and challenges to arrive at the reward. Today because you follow your instinct to go within, you receive the guidance and support you need.

It can be tempting to take the time alone to feel sorry for ourselves. To honor our feelings, we can allow ourselves the chance to wallow, but not interminably. We may even want to set a time limit, and then look for ways to move forward. People may offer their assistance, but today may not be a day for accepting such support, unless they are willing to help you create the space you need. By becoming still, you can move through the feeling of distress to emerge with new direction and energy to face the challenge with the confidence that you can overcome it today.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

On My Hearth: Spicy Roast Chicken with Tomatoes and Marjoram


I found this recipe via Kalyn, originates at Bon Apetit. As some reviewers suggested, I'll be using fresh rosemary instead of marjoram because my herb garden is bursting with it!

SPICY ROAST CHICKEN WITH TOMATOES AND MARJORAM


Marjoram's full flavor does all the work in this incredibly simple recipe. Serve with crusty bread to soak up the delicious juices.

24 ounces cherry tomatoes (about 4 cups), stemmed
1/4 cup olive oil
5 garlic cloves, pressed
1 1/4 teaspoons dried crushed red pepper
2 tablespoons chopped fresh marjoram
4 chicken breast halves with ribs

Preheat oven to 450°F. Toss tomatoes, olive oil, garlic, crushed red pepper, and 1 tablespoon marjoram in large bowl. Place chicken on rimmed baking sheet. Pour tomato mixture over chicken, arranging tomatoes in single layer on sheet around chicken. Sprinkle generously with salt and pepper. Roast until chicken is cooked through and tomatoes are blistered, about 35 minutes. Transfer chicken to plates. Spoon tomatoes and juices over. Sprinkle with remaining 1 tablespoon marjoram.

Makes 4 servings.

Bon Appétit
June 2003

Whistle While You Work

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We need to get Lily a car quickly, with her new job it's becoming difficult to manage getting us both to work and home again using only one automobile. I'm hoping that her Dad will take her out this week and do some auto shopping, I am simply not up to doing it again. (Didn't I just go through this about 2 months ago? Yep, sure did).

Sorry, not my normal chipper self this morning. Couldn't sleep, tossed and turned til about 1 am, probably due to the huge glass of iced tea I drank around 8 pm. I was hoping to gain the energy needed to tackle the mountain of laundry taking over my bedroom; said mountain is now a small hill and I'm Sleepy, Grumpy and probably a couple other dwarfs I can't recall right now. I'm not looking forward to work this morning; one of my officemates insists on playing the local "mellow jazz" station all day long and it is driving me up a wall. (Have I ever mentioned that jazz is one of the few types of music I can't stand?) I'm also sure to have a big pile of work waiting for me and I'm simply not in the mood to deal with it. *bitch* *whine*

Just where are those damned singing birds when you need 'em?

Monday, July 16, 2007

Welcome Home - Not


Today one of my blogger friends led me to a new-ish homemaking website, one I hadn't heard of before. At first I was delighted by the kitschy graphics, pin-up pics and positive, upbeat attitude toward homemaking. There are articles about cooking, cleaning, childrearing, even how to maintain a close relationship with your Significant Other. Wow, cool! I settled in to be entertained and perhaps learn a thing or two. Then I read a little further and discovered the this in the fine print: You, Rapunzel, are not welcome here. What? Why not? I do all of the things suggested there: I love to cook and clean and bake and care for my children! I adore my Man, wear sexy lingerie to bed, take any opportunity to cuddle with him and keep things fresh! When my children were small I cut their sandwiches into little cookie-cutter shapes, tied their lunch bags with silk ribbon and decorated them with hand-stamped artwork. I was Room Mother every year until they begged me not to be, was Assistant Daisy Troop leader and present at every single field trip and school event. I still craft and make my own lavender linen water which I carefully spritz on my 400-count Egyptian cotton sheets. I bargain hunt, recycle, do my part to save the earth, give to charity and volunteer my time. I grow my own herbs, bake my own bread and melt my own soap for goodness' sake! What in the world could possibly cause someone not to want me? Well, you see, just because I am a "happy homemaker," I am not a "housewife" nor a SAHM (stay-at-home Mom, for those of you who don't know, and if you aren't familiar with the term, you're not welcome either). Wow! I read and re-read the site, thinking that surely I was mistaken but nope, that's what it says right there: "You need to be a SAHM. Is this exclusionary? You betcha."

I was stunned, and then I was angry, and then I googled. I found out that this particular site has been under attack by the so-called "feminists" and has been in the middle of those horrid Mommy Wars. *shudder* I will not get into the middle of that, shied away from it when I was a working-inside-the-home Mommy. Far be it for me to make another woman's decision for her, especially since so many of us have no choice in the matter, we work outside the home as a matter of necessity.

But, anyway, this post isn't about that, it's about me not being welcome at a site even though I was, for 16 years, a "happy housewife," though I chose to call myself homemaker. Though I helped my then-husband run a small business from my home, my main focus was always, always hearth and home. Somehow along the way, though, my husband ceased to be happy, and he let that be known to me in verbal, emotional, and yes, on a couple of occasions, physical attacks. For the good of my children and myself, I got out. I took a year to heal, stayed at home and nurtured my children, helped us all adapt to the new changes in our lives but then my financial needs forced me to get a part time job. I then found the love of my life who moved in with me; we live, we love, we care for our home and our children and our family, we entertain our friends...we are happy. We are homemakers.

Now, I do understand that every website owner has the right to decide what to do with her own site, she does not have to lay out the welcome mat for everyone. I myself would not permit hateful, derogatory, inflammatory or offensive comments here at the Castle, and yes the interpretation of such is up to me. However, that's about as far as my "exclusions" go. I can't imagine rejecting anyone because of his/her marital status, job position, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or any other ridiculous reason. Just as I wouldn't turn them away from my physical home, I won't do that here in cyberland. All truly are welcome here.

So I wrote a polite letter to the owner of that site, sharing with her my disappointment that I am not her target audience, that I don't fit her criteria. I wrote to my blogger pal and shared my feelings, at which point she said that those "rules" are just to keep the trolls out and that of course I would be fine to post there. Nah, that's ok. I love & respect my blogger friend but I just don't think that's the right place for me. To misquote Groucho Marx just a bit: I refuse to join any club that wouldn't have me as a member.

P.S. As an alternative, I am heading to this website even though I'm not disgruntled because, hey, they're a fabulously fun bunch of gals who actually welcome me there!


Now Showing at the Castle: Fur

Beren and I watched this movie last night and all I can say is, Wow! I know that it's been criticized for being "highly fictionalized" and that's just fine, the filmmakers stated that in advance so I have no problem with it. I didn't know anything about Diane Arbus before but have been googling madly ever since. The story is sexy and seductive and dangerous..I absolutely loved Nicole Kidman in this and Robert Downey Jr...sigh...he is just incredible! Love, love, love the scenery, the set design is just breathtaking and makes you feel as if you've been placed in another world..colors are so lush, just absolutely delicious!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Wedding

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I'm still not sure how to describe the wedding yesterday, my emotions were all over the map and I still haven't sorted it all out. I am very happy for Strider, that goes without saying, and that's what's really important.

In the meantime, I will share a couple of pics of the big day.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Girls Rock!


Last night I went to see this awesome young woman perform, Alexx Calise. I spotted her on Myspace, first noticed her gorgeous long hair and then listened to her music, read her profile, etc. I was instantly enamored with her, checked her tour schedule and found that she was performing locally last night. Whoo-hoo! It didn't take much convincing to get Beren to take me to the 10:15 show, one of the things I love most about him is his spontanaiety and fun-loving personality. Well, Ms. Calise did not disappoint! Not only is she gorgeous and amazingly talented, she is also a sweetheart of a girl! I have no doubt that she'll go far in her career and one day I'll be showing off this picture, bragging about how I saw her in a little tiny bar right down the street from my house.

More later, right now I have to get ready for my ex-husband's wedding!

Friday, July 13, 2007

On My Hearth: More Mushrooms!


I am so in love with mushrooms, I just can't get enough of them and Summer is the perfect time to take advantage of Beren's grilling skills.

This one comes from Lynne Rossetto Kasper of The Splendid Table:

Hot Spiced Portobello Grill with Fresh Arugula and Parmigiano Shavings
Copyright 2007 Lynne Rossetto Kasper

Serves 6

* 1/2 cup good tasting extra-virgin olive oil
* 1 large clove garlic, or more to taste
* 1/2 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes
* 1/4 teaspoon dry oregano
* 6 large Portobello mushroom caps
* Salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste
* 1 tight-packed cup fresh baby arugula leaves
* 2 to 3 ounces Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, shaved with a vegetable peeler
* Juice of 1/2 to 1 whole lemon

1. In a blender, puree together the olive oil, garlic, pepper and oregano. Brush both sides of the mushrooms with the oil blend. Set the rest of the oil aside to finish the dish.

2. Prepare the grill for medium-high heat (on a charcoal grill coals will be orange and starting to ash over and you can hold your hand about 5 inches above the grate for 4 to 5 seconds; on a gas grill set burners at medium-high and heat until temperature reaches 400 F).

3. Grill the mushroom caps on both sides until tender all the way through and slightly crisp, about 5 to 7 minutes per side. Season with salt and pepper.

4. Immediately remove the mushrooms to a serving platter. Top the caps with the arugula, then the cheese shavings, sprinkle with the reserved oil, and finish with a squeeze of fresh lemon juice. Serve right away to get the impact of hot mushrooms and fresh greens.

LYNNE'S TIPS

* The mushrooms can also be prepared on a stove top grill or large skillet over medium-high heat. If using a skillet, film the bottom with a little oil.


* If by some gift of the gods fresh porcini (Boletus Edulis) mushrooms come into your life, do use them instead of Portobellos. They were the original mushrooms intended for this dish.


* If arugula isn't available substitute another tart, peppery green such as escarole, mustard greens, curly endive or mizuna.

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P.S. Oh, and because we are still on a tight budget this month and I'm using up what I have in the kitchen, I just turned some leftover pasta into a little salad! I just added bottled Italian dressing, chopped orange bell pepper, onion, cherry tomatoes, chick peas, olives and a dash of salt, voila! Not fancy but cheap & a tasty lunch for the girls.

Happiness Is...

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*Friday the 13th! Since I'm not superstitious about such things and actually adore black cats, I'm not worried a bit about today's date. (Salem and Jezebel agree, they take offense to being called bad luck!)

*Fridays in general, they're my favorite day of the week. Ever since I went back to work part time I have made it a policy never to work Fridays. Fortunately my bosses have been understanding and flexible so I've been able to enjoy 3-day weekends every week. I usually have the day to myself, Beren is working and the kids are in school, so I can take my time sipping my morning coffee, peruse the internet, do a couple loads of laundry, pay bills, etc. I then clean the castle, do my grocery shopping..just generally puttering at my leisure. It's really lovely, I cherish my Fridays and guard them ferociously!

*Successful shopping ventures! I lucked out yesterday: one store, two dresses (couldn't decide which one) in less than an hour. Oh, and I did make a quick stop by the lingerie dept.; they were having a sale, who could blame me? *wink*

*After-work cocktails in the pool with my Sweetie, followed by him cooking me dinner! I so appreciate him supporting my Beachy way of eating right now, the omelets were a perfect rainy night meal.

*Not-so-Beach-friendly beers at our neighborhood bar..blush..I overindulged just a bit but it was Ladies Night, and there was dancing and smooching and..well, just so much fun!

*an evening to look forward to, tonight we are meeting some friends at a nearby club, going to see a new-to-me performer named Alexx Calise. I am big on supporting women artists in any form, and this chick really rocks! (Plus, she has long, gorgeous hair, what's not to love?)

All in all, I think my Friday the 13th is going to be fabulous, hope yours is, too!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I'm a Schmoozer!


Be still, my heart! The fabulous Domestic Minx has nominated me for a blogger award! *swoon* Thank you, Dear Minxy, I am flattered to accept this Power of Schmooze label and will display it proudly here at the Castle!

schmooze (shmz) Slang
v.intr.
To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.


Now, it is my turn to share the wealth and pass along the honor to 5 worthy bloggers. But, which ones? There are so many lovely schmoozing ladies and gents out there! Ok, using the definition of schmooze above, I nominate:

JoJo at Are We There Yet? She is a new friend and I am thrilled to have "met" her! She's honest and raw and oh-so-real. I love this about her!

My dear friend Susan at Optimistic Voices because she is lovely and southern and is the best schmoozer I have ever met! This woman never, ever takes no for an answer and you find yourself groveling at her Birkenstock-clad feet and thanking her for it.

Daisy Cottage...sigh...I just want to curl up on Kim's sofa and take a nice long nap, knowing that while I was asleep she'd tuck the covers over me and tiptoe off to prepare a delicious post-nap treat.

Rachel at Lusty Lady and Cupcakes take the Cake because..well..one peek at her blogs and you'll know why. Between her fabulous cupcakes and other "attributes," I daresay I'd follow this gorgeous gal just about anywhere. She is positively yummy!

And you know what? I'm going to break the rules here as well and award "Jan from Rosemary Cottage" because even though she doesn't yet have a blog, she is one of the favorite posters at my blog! She says such sweet things to me and is so supportive, I adore her! Someday soon she's going to start her own blog and as soon as she moves in she'll have an award to place on her own mantle.

So, here are the Schmoozer Rules, according to Minxy:

1. If you are the recipient of The Power of Schmooze Award, write a post with links to 5 blogs that have schmoozed you into submission.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the award.
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Power of Schmooze Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (there is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog).

I can't wait to read more schmoozin'!

Thank you again, dear Minx! xoxoxox

Shopping Woes

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I've said it before, I hate to shop. Somehow when they handed out this girly gene I was standing in another line..the smartass line perhaps. I especially hate to shop when I am on a mission, when there is something I must have by a certain deadline, usually tomorrow. I truly despiste mall shopping, and when I must trudge through the stores I prefer to do it solo. Since my girls have been old enough, they have done their school shopping alone. My family & friends call me for the fun stuff, treasure hunting I call it..you know, thrift stores, TJ Maxx, consignment shops, etc. Otherwise, they realize I am simply not good company and would rather take my credit card but leave me at home.

So, guess what I have to do today? I am taking my daughters to the mall to shop for dresses for a wedding that we must attend on Saturday. Did I mention that this is the wedding of my ex-husband? And that I am 20 pounds overweight?

This is so not going to be a good day.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Cast of Characters: Introducing Jersey



I've held out for a long time, not ready to introduce this next "character" in my life. She is so dear to me that I've feared my words won't be good enough, they will surely fall short of who she is and what she means to me. Though she lives miles & miles away, though I have never met her in person, she has literally saved my life. Seriously. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would not be emotionally, and perhaps not even physically, alive today if not for her. Years ago, when I was suffering in an abusive marriage, not sure how to get out, or even if I should, I was introduced to her via a homemaking website. I was instantly enamored. Jersey was not the "normal" homemaker that frequents such sites; on the contrary, she was more exciting, more interesting, more intelligent, she was bigger than life..and I felt an immediate connection, knew that I needed her as my friend. Thank the goddess, she somehow saw something in me and wanted me as a friend, too. Over the past 5 plus years this amazing woman has nurtured me, cared for me, listened to me when everyone else grew weary of my complaints. She has answered the phone at wee hours, "talked me down from the bridge" when I was about to jump. I've called her drunk & sobbing from bar bathrooms at my lowest point, and from the middle of the ocean on a sailboat at my highest times. When I was so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed, she was my kick in the ass. When I wasn't sure of which way to go, she held the compass for me. When I wanted to throw in the towel and give up, she pulled me up and kept me going. She created a vision for me and held it up when I couldn't. When I had my first date with Beren, it was she who I called and she talked me through the nervousness, the fear, even helped dress me through cyberspace. (Beren thanks you, by the way, the sexy sundress was a big hit!) Through it all, through the years of hell, good & bad, happiness & tears, this woman has been there. I've told Beren time & time again, when you finally meet Jersey you are to sink to the ground and kiss her feet. For truly, without her I would've given up on love a long time ago..we really would not have made it without her input, her wisdom, her friendship..her love.

So, when people tell me that internet friends aren't "real," when they chuckle and roll their eyes when I describe my connections to such..I think of Jersey, and I am the one who has the last laugh. Because I am here, I am whole, and I am incredibly blessed..and this lady has much to do with all of that. If there is such a thing as angels, Jersey is indeed mine, sent by the goddess to look out for me during a horrific time.

So, Jersey, when we finally get to meet, suffice it to say that Beren won't be the only one kissing your feet. I love you, and though it's not enough: Thank you. You have been my Angel.

Rapunzel Loses her Hair, a "Grim" Fairy Tale


About 6 months ago I noticed something disturbing: my once thick & healthy locks were lank and lackluster, ponytail skinnier than it used to be, and an obvious thinning around my hairline. First, I panicked. After all, I am known for my hair, it's how I identify myself, it's my thing. Ever since I was a little girl with a pixie haircut, I have dreamed of long hair. Once I was old enough to take care of it myself, I let it grow..and grow..and grow...It's been waist to hip length for all of my adult life. So, the thought of losing it terrified me. After the initial freak-out, turned to my family, inquired if they noticed a change. It wasn't just me, they confirmed it. Thinner, yes, and more hair in the sink, shower, sprinkled around the white tile floors. Internet research suggested several culprits: Stress, Hormones, Hypothyroidism, and/or Chemical Abuse. So, I went to my GP and had my thyroid checked. Negative. Visited the dermatologist who blamed it on age and suggested that I just accept it as a part of getting older...umm...Hell, no! Went to the health food store and bought $40 worth of vitamins. Made an appointment with my hairdresser and switched to a gentler hair color, got a really good trim. Tried to relax more, started taking better care of myself. And, the biggie: went off hormonal birth control and had a tubal. (Yeah, my hair, and health in general, is that important to me.) Through all of this I've also done some soulsearching about why my long hair is so important to me, why I am so terrified of not only losing it but of losing my very identity. I didn't find out anything I didn't already know: basically, my hair represents my sexuality. No matter how fat/thin, ugly/cute, old/young I am, my hair makes me feel sexy and beautiful. It's something different about me, my best feature, my shining glory. I guess that women who have other unique attributes must feel the same way, don't they? I can't speak for anyone else, but this is the truth about me. I don't know what would happen should I lose my hair or have to cut it, I'm sure I would manage and find a way to deal with it. After all, it's "just" hair..I am sure that I'd find a way to feel sexy and desirable..but you know what? I don't want to face that, not yet.

So, I continue to take the vitamins, de-stress as best I can, pamper what hair I have left..and still watch more strands than I'm comfortable with fall into the sink. The shedding has definitely slowed down but I'm probably 1/3 thinner overall than I used to be. *shrug* I'm still Rapunzel, my hair still defines me, but there is more to me than my tresses. No matter what, it'll be ok, I'll still be me. I know this, really I do. Right?

Monday, July 9, 2007

On My Hearth: Portobello "Pizzas"

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Portobello "Pizzas"
Makes 8 "pizzas"

Trying to cut back on fat, but craving the taste of pizza? Try these savory mushroom "pies" and you won't miss a thing. The portabello mushroom base is chewy and lends an earthy taste. You just might decide you like these treats better than oily dough!

8 large Portobello mushrooms (4 ounces each), stems removed and reserved
1/2 cup water
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup cooked white beans (rinsed and drained)
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
1 cup arugula, spinach or watercress leaves, torn into bite-size pieces
4 tablespoon grated Parmesan cheese
2 teaspoon balsamic vinegar

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Use a small spoon to scrape the black "gills" out from the mushroom caps. Spray a rimmed baking pan with nonstick cooking spray and place the mushroom caps on the sheet, stemmed side down. Cover with aluminum foil and bake until the mushroom caps are tender, about 7 minutes. Transfer the baked mushroom caps to paper towels so they can drain (lay them stemmed side down). Discard any liquid left in the baking pan, and leave the oven on while you finish prep work.

Finely chop the mushroom stems and saute them with the garlic in a non-stick skillet over medium heat. Stir frequently, cooking until the stems are tender and the liquid has been absorbed - about 5 minutes. Transfer the sauteed veggies to a large mixing bowl, then add 1/4 teaspoon of the salt, the beans, cherry tomatoes, the greens, 1 tablespoon of the Parmesan, and the vinegar.

Return the baked mushroom caps to the baking pan, this time laying them in the pan stemmed side up. Sprinkle the mushroom caps with the remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt then fill the caps with the vegetable-bean mixture and sprinkle with the remaining 3 tablespoons Parmesan. Bake until the bean mixture is piping hot and the Parmesan cheese is browned and crusty, about 5 minutes. Serve hot or at room temperature.

Nutrition Information per Serving (1 "Pizza")
Calories 79, Total Fat 1.1g (Saturated Fat 0.6g), Cholesterol 2mg, Fiber 6g, Carbohydrate 13g, Protein 8g, Sodium 334mg

Our House


"I'll light the fire
You place the flowers in the vase
That you bought today
Staring at the fire
For hours and hours
While I listen to you play your love songs
All night long for me
Only for me

Come to me now
And rest your head for just five minutes
Everything is done
Such a cozy room
The windows are illuminated
By the evening sunshine through them
Fiery gems for you
Only for you

Our house, is a very, very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy 'cause of you" ~ Graham Nash


Ever since Hurricane Wilma, my landscaping has been a mess. She did such damage to my trees & bushes, it was just devastating. We spent so much time outdoors, it's really important that it look good out there, and I just haven't had the time, money or manpower to get things cleaned up properly. Oh, we've done little bits here and there but there still needed to be some clean-up and re-planting. Well, this weekend we did just that! Mike came over yesterday, he and Beren kicked butt out there! They got all of the dead plants dug out, weed barrier laid, existing trees trimmed, ready for re-planting. My job this week is to browse around the nursery for new lovelies, I can't wait!

While they tended to the outside, I worked inside. Things have been neglected there as well, nothing to do with Mother Nature but instead with the storms that went on inside the house, both physically and emotionally. This was not a happy place for a while, and now, 3 years since my divorce, I feel that it is finally turning around. I know, it takes time, and gradually things have been improving, but now it's all coming together: Beren is here full time, his little girls are comfortable and have regular visits, my kids are settled and doing well, my relationship with ex-husband #2 has calmed down and in a much more peaceful place..things are really coming back to life..heart, soul, mind, body..and my home is reflecting that.

Our house is indeed a very, very, very fine house.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

On My Hearth: Fiesta Stuffed Peppers


This is a lean month for us here at the Castle; the intense heat and kids being home full time causes skyrocketing electric bills as well as an increase in the grocery tab. When this happens I turn to my pantry & freezer, make use the goodies I've purchased in more fruitful times. This helps my budget and encourages me to be creative in the kitchen, using what I have and being conscious of waste.

Last night for dinner I made tilapia fillets topped with diced tomatoes, baked in foil packets, served them alongside brown rice and a simple green bean/mushroom/almond saute. It was delicious and Beren was very impressed with how quickly I whipped this up. *grin*

I'm not a huge fan of green peppers, will eat them but much prefer the other varieties, so last week when I found a 6-pack of red/yellow/orange bell peppers at Costco I scooped it right up! Of course I have leftover rice from last night so these will be a breeze to put together, am considering putting them in the crockpot this morning so that they can cook while I tend to other things today.

Fiesta Stuffed Peppers

* 1/2 cup cooked brown rice
* 1 package frozen veggie "crumbles" (ground beef substitute)
* 1 onion, finely chopped
* 1 egg
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1 3/4 cups salsa, divided
* 1 orange bell pepper, halved and seeded
* 1 yellow bell pepper, halved and seeded
* 1 red bell pepper, halved and seeded

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a medium baking dish.

2. In a bowl, mix the cooked rice, beef substitute, onion, egg, salt, and 1/2 cup salsa. Stuff orange, yellow, and red bell pepper halves with equal amounts of the rice mixture. Arrange pepper halves in the baking dish, and top with remaining salsa.

3. Bake uncovered 1 hour in the preheated oven, until peppers are soft and filling is cooked through.

Note: If desired, you can sprinkle with grated cheese during the last 10 or 15 minutes of cooking

Serves 6

Credit: I tweaked this recipe from one posted by Lisa M. at Allrecipes.

Boys on the Side


We weren't able to take the girls out on the waverunners yesterday because the little sweeties slept in too late. I can't say that I blame them, as tired as I was as well! Instead we hung around the house for the morning, Beren made a big breakfast and I made the aforementioned chik patty/cheesy zucchini lunch.

The afternoon consisted of me napping while Beren watched one of my all-time favorite movies, Boys on the Side. I just love that film even though it makes me cry every time! I also finished the book I've been reading, Broken for You. Awesome book, really enjoyed it. Now I'm going to be without reading material until I can hit the library tomorrow, yikes!

We went to see Reality Check Band at Cagney's, Strider met us there for a little while. He seemed to enjoy the live band, and seemed very happy and excited about his upcoming nuptials. I wish him all the best. Funny, we were entertaining him while my daughter joined his wife-to-be at her bachelorette party. *grin* Good times had by all!

Today Mike's coming over to start some landscaping work for us, yay! We haven't completely recovered from the hurricanes of 2005, it's time to rebuild! My pool area needs so much work so that's first up on the plan. I can't wait to have my yard back to it's prior beauty.

That's about it for me, I plan to spend the day doing laundry, ironing and maybe watching the pile of Netflix films sitting here. I have an old favorite sitting here, one I haven't seen in years, can't wait to pop it in the dvd player! Exciting stuff, huh?

P.S. Choose wisely when you ask someone in a bar to take your picture, this would've been a good shot if I hadn't blinked, and if she had noticed.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Today's Inspiration: Broken for You


"Look now. Look at what you value, what you hold dear. Objects, first. And not necessarily because of their innate value (although that might figure into it), but because they are endowed - by your mind and imagination, by your memories - with what is known as 'sentimental value.'

Sentiment has been defined as ascribing a value to something above and beyond what its value is to God. This presumes a belief in God, and furthermore a belief in a kind of God that passes judgment on the inexplicable fondnesses of the human heart; there is an expression, isn't there: 'the object of my affections.' But perhaps you do not believe in that kind of God, or any other, for that matter.

Look then at the faces and bodies of people you love. the explicit beauty that comes not from smoothness of skin or neutrality of expression, but from the web of experience that has lefts its mark. Each face, each body is its own living fossilized record. A record of cats, combatants, difficult births; of accidents, cruelties, blessings. Reminders of folly, greed, indiscretion, impatience. A moment of time, of memory, preserved, internalized, and enshrined within and upon he body. You need not be told that these records are what render your beloved beautiful. If God exists, He is there, in the small, cast-off pieces, rough and random and no two alike."


~Stephanie Kallos, Broken for You

Friday, July 6, 2007

Fabulous Friday!


It's Friday, yippee! We have a busy couple of days planned, looks to be a fun-filled weekend.

Tonight is triple feature: first we are heading to The Wreck to see the lovely Marina the Mermaid; it'll be the first time Beren's girls are joining us so I'm really excited about that! There's always at least one little girl there, in complete awe over the show, and of course there's always the big girl who still believes in magic: me!

After that we'll have dinner and visit with Strider for a few minutes before he heads off to his bachelor party, only 1 week til his wedding! Later we are meeting Benzaiten to listen to a new-to-me folk band, 2 Bottle Sunday. I'm really looking forward to spending time with Benzaiten, music always sounds so much better when she's around.

As for Saturday, the plan is to take Beren's girls on the waverunners for a bit before they head back home. They've been wanting to ride them for so long and we just couldn't make it work so hopefully tomorrow will be the day.

Before all of that fun, though, I need to clean the Castle. *groan* I'm going to amuse myself by folding laundry & watching a dvd that Beren and I started last night; as usual, I fell asleep before the end so I have to rewind today.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, TGIF!

On My Hearth: Easy Cheesy Zucchini


Alanna at A Veggie Venture has done it again! I swear I could cook one of her recipes every single day of the week, but my own "veggie venture" involves Beren's two girls and their every-other-weekend visits/vegetable experiments! We are skipping ahead to "Z" this week simply because I have zucchini in my refrigerator now, along with every other ingredient in this recipe. How lucky is that?!

She tweaked this recipe from Kalyn's Kitchen, another one of my favorite food bloggers. I can't wait to serve this to the little ones this weekend! We'll probably pair it with some type of meat substitute, chik nuggets perhaps.

EASY CHEESY ZUCCHINI


aka Easy Peasy Cheesy Zoosy-Keesy-Neesy

See Kalyn's Kitchen's inspiring recipe
Hands-on time: 15 minutes
Time to table: 20 minutes
Serves 4

1 tablespoon olive oil
2 garlic cloves, sliced thin (if fresh, Kalyn uses 4 - 6 from Costco)
1 pound zucchini, ends trimmed, cut in half length-wise (unless baby zucchini) and then in half-inch thick half moons
2 tablespoons fresh basil, chopped (Kalyn uses parsley, any fresh herb would do, I think)
Kosher salt to taste
2 tablespoons freshly grated Parmesan
2 tablespoons grated other melt-y cheese (Kalyn uses 4 tablespoons mozzarella, I used one of those 'Mexican' blends)

In a large skillet with a cover, heat the oil til shimmery. Add the garlic and stir to coat with oil, then cook for a minute or two, just until garlic begins to turn golden in color. Add zucchini, stir several times to coat with oil and garlic. Cover and cook for four minutes, stirring once or twice. Uncover and let continue to cook til done (slightly crisp suits my taste). Stir in salt and parsley. TURN OFF THE HEAT. Sprinkle cheese over top, cover and let rest for 1 - 2 minutes til cheese is slightly melted. Serve immediately.

NUTRITION ESTIMATE
With 2 tablespoons 'other' Cheese: Per Serving: 86 Cal (58% from Fat, 17% from Protein, 25% from Carb); 4 g Protein; 6 g Tot Fat; 2 g Sat Fat; 3 g Mono Fat; 6 g Carb; 2 g Fiber; NetCarb 4; 2 g Sugar; 95 mg Calcium; 1 mg Iron; 86 mg Sodium; 7 mg Cholesterol; Weight Watchers 1 point

With 4 tablespoons 'other' Cheese: Per Serving: 102 Cal (60% from Fat, 19% from Protein, 21% from Carb); 5 g Protein; 7 g Tot Fat; 3 g Sat Fat; 4 g Mono Fat; 6 g Carb; 2 g Fiber; NetCarb4; 2 g Sugar; 125 mg Calcium; 1 mg Iron; 112 mg Sodium; 11 mg Cholesterol; Weight Watchers 2 points

HOW MANY CALORIES, CARBS & WEIGHT WATCHERS POINTS IN ZUCCHINI
Nutrition Information Per 1/4 pound of raw zucchini, the flesh and skin both: 18 Cal (8% from Fat, 24% from Protein, 67% from Carb); 1 g Protein; 0 g Tot Fat; 0 g Sat Fat; 0 g Mono Fat; 4 g Carb; 1 g Fiber; 2 g Sugar; 17 mg Calcium; 0 mg Iron; 11 mg Sodium; 0 mg Cholesterol

SHORTHAND RECIPE
EASY PEASY CHEESY ZUCCHINI Cook 1T oil, lot garlic 1-2min. Add 1lb zucchini half moons, cover, cook 4min. Cook 1-2 min uncovered til done. Stir in salt, 2T basil (parsley, etc.). Off heat, top w 2T Parmesan, 2T other cheese, cover for 1-2min. WW=1 VV07